Child Abuse

As a community educator for Women’s Resource Center in Oceanside, I speak regularly to groups of people about the problems of domestic violence, child abuse and sexual assault. One of the most frequently asked questions is what a person should do if they witness a parent lose control in public and spank a child. As a strong advocate of breaking the silence surrounding abuse in people’s lives, and knowing that spanking in public is often a signal of more serious abuse at home, I encourage witnesses to approach the parent and confront them with respect and concern.

Good advice--easy to give, much harder to carry out.

Recently, I witnessed a father and his son, who was about 4 years old, shopping together. The boy was whining and getting on his father’s nerves. His father snapped, grabbed the boy by the arm and forced him into a corner of the store, spanking him several times. The boy began to cry and his father told him to shut up, threatening him with more physical violence. My eyes connected with another shopper who was watching and she approached me with tears in her eyes. She asked me, “Doesn’t he know that his son is crying on the inside?”

I approached the father and asked if I could speak with him. I told him that I realized he felt he needed to control his son’s behavior, but that what he did was inappropriate. What came back to me were personal insults and physical intimidation.

Although there were many shoppers in that store who overheard both the abuse and my confrontation with the father, no one even glanced in our direction. It was evident to me that they were choosing to ignore the situation.

When we ignore public incidents of child abuse, we give permission for it to continue. As with alcohol and drug abuse, we enable the abuser with our silence. In the case of child abuse, we also turn our backs on the innocent victims.

I don’t know whether what I did will make a difference in that father’s future behavior. But, as he walked away saying, “What you say doesn’t matter,” I glanced down at his son who was still turning to look at me. I knew then that what I said did matter. It mattered a lot to that little boy.

DENISE FREY, Director of Community Relations and Education, Women’s Resource Center, Oceanside