Some Chips for Dipping From Draft

After a stretch during which Dan Quayle failed in spelling potato and Jerry West succeeded in picking a Peeler, the world appears to be turning into my own private Idaho. Well, what the hell. At least nothing happened to Spud Webb.

How about that NBA draft, huh? How about that bye-bye birdie deal between Milwaukee and Utah in which Blue was traded for Jay? How about the Lakers landing another player named Cooooooooper? How about teams known as the Lakers and Clippers passing up somebody called Popeye? Don’t you think the Trail Blazers were the ones who should have been interested in that guy named Woods?

Oh, and furthermore:

Do they know something we don’t know? A North Carolina NBA team passed up Duke’s Christian Laettner; the next team in the draft took him. A Maryland NBA team passed up Maryland’s Walt Williams; the next team in the draft took him. Two Los Angeles teams passed up Pepperdine’s Doug Christie, UCLA’s Tracy Murray and UCLA’s Don MacLean; the next three teams in the draft took them.

Making the boys even badder: All I can say is, Detroit should have kept MacLean. On a front line with Bill Laimbeer and Dennis Rodman, he would have come across as the nicest guy in basketball.

Three things about Tony Bennett: 1. OK, enough “I left my heart” jokes, already. We all got it the first hundred times. 2. People keep talking about Wisconsin Green Bay as though it is the Little School on the Prairie. Hey, the university has a gymnasium, a ZIP code, indoor plumbing and everything. 3. Memo to Charlotte, which drafted him: Having seen Tony Bennett play at the Pan American Games in Cuba, I cannot exactly say where he left his heart, but he must have left his game in Wisconsin.

On guard in the state capital: Who would have thought that of the four NBA franchises in California, the best backcourt (Mitch Richmond and Walt Williams) might be Sacramento’s?

Name game, part I: Am I the only one who thinks Walt Williams ought to be called “Long Neck?”

Worst deal of the draft: Pat Riley and the New York Knicks robbed those daffy Dallas Mavericks out of Rolando Blackman for a draft choice in 1995. Laker broadcaster Chick Hearn: “There might not even be a draft in 1995.”

Second-worst deal of the draft: Mike Dunleavy and the Milwaukee Bucks came away from draft day with Blue Edwards (because ol’ Blue was in Utah Coach Jerry Sloan’s doghouse), Eric Murdock and the starting backcourt of the University of Arkansas. What did the Utah Jazz come away with? Jay Humphries, who won’t even start.

Why the Lakers are the Lakers: Even without Magic and even with all their injuries, they still made the playoffs, right alongside the Clippers. Well, the Lakers got one player from the first round of the draft. The Clippers ended up getting three. The Lakers got Anthony Peeler, who probably will start. The Clippers got Randy Woods, Elmore Spencer and MacLean, all of whom probably won’t.

Name game, part II: Is it true that KMPC sportscasters were instructed to call Charlotte’s first pick “Alonzo Morgan?”

He’s a rebel and he’ll never be all that bad: Jerry Tarkanian laughs last. UCLA took Ed O’Bannon from him. UCLA took Shon Tarver from him. Guess who got Tracy Murray from UCLA?

Miner over Miami: Possibly Harold Miner felt sadness at being passed up by 11 teams. He shouldn’t. Yo, Harold: I have seen all 11 of those teams. Miami’s better.

Why the Lakers should practice safe basketball: Pro basketball is a man’s game, yes. And women love the Lakers, literally and figuratively. But this organization must be walking a slender thread by now with at least some of its female following. One Laker’s promiscuity resulted in his early retirement, another Laker’s similar behavior got him arrested and the newest Laker entered a guilty plea to the felonious assault of a woman.

Maybe Jerry Buss isn’t inclined to deliver any lectures to his players on this topic, but at the moment, the only women who publicly represent his Lakers are provocatively dressed dancers. Some women won’t care about this, one way or another, but trust me: There are other women inside the Forum whose appreciation of the Lakers is going to be sorely tested if one more thing happens from this day forward.

Name game, part III: Washington will like him. He can play. Please excuse me, though, because I bust out laughing every time I say: “Bullet Gugliotta.”

And now the bad news: I had two “sleepers” going into the draft. Two guys I saw and really liked. One was Byron Houston, a sharp player from Oklahoma State. The other was Litterial Green of Georgia, who lit up Pauley Pavilion one day like you cannot believe.

Both went to the Chicago Bulls. Ow.