Affairs in Order : A new book offers suggestions on how a person can take charge of his own funeral.

I drove home from the beauty salon recently fully resigned to living with another frizzy perm. Living--yes. But dying with it was quite another thing. I confess to thinking, “if something happens to me, please let my family not bury me looking like Bozo the Clown’s evil twin.”

Whether we admit it or not, most of us have considered our own funerals. And most people have a preference for how they would like to be remembered.

But for many of us, it is easy to make macabre jokes but really tough to get our personal and monetary affairs in order. Yet the truth is, someone has to deal with financial issues and other important arrangements upon each of our deaths. So it behooves all of us to acknowledge and plan for our final exit as we would a wedding or any rite of passage.

According to Ventura resident Kathleen Sublette, co-author of “Final Celebrations: A Guide for Personal and Family Funeral Planning,” many of the 2.1 million Americans who died naturally or unexpectedly in 1990 left no will or funeral instructions.

As a result, Sublette, 50, writes that grief-stricken survivors are left scrambling to plan a funeral without knowing what the deceased wanted regarding burial, ceremony or disposal of property and possessions. Funeral costs in the United States, excluding cemetery arrangements, average $5,000, according to Sublette. So making such decisions when not under pressure can save families money and help to prevent bitterness, dissension and guilt.

The new paperback from Pathfinder Publishing of Ventura fills an important consumer need. By addressing a subject that many people still will not discuss or prepare for, “Final Celebrations” helps a reader take charge of his own funeral or that of a loved one.

In addition to descriptions of several kinds of ceremonies, the book contains legal and financial information about funerals, burial and cremation as well as trends in ceremony rituals such as video and photographic collages of the deceased’s life. It explains how to donate organs or a body for medical research and where to obtain bereavement counseling. There are also lists of resources and several outline forms to be completed with personal and financial information.

They say funerals are for the living--the survivors. And Sublette said bereavement counselors agree that a satisfactory funeral or memorial service experience is the first step to beginning the healing grief process.

About two years ago, Nancy and Peter Wygle of Ventura began making their own plans after experiencing the turmoil of endless probate following the deaths of her mother and stepfather.

“We didn’t know where my mother had things,” said Nancy, 58. “And it was complicated because both parents had remarried and there were other children and grandchildren on both sides of the family.”

“My husband and I said we’re not putting our children through this,” she added. “So we set up a family trust.” Then Peter, a 62-year-old engineer, began to organize their financial information.

“When you build an estate for 40 years it gets complicated,” he said. “I’ve changed jobs two or three times. This means you’re in different retirement plans. And trying to come up with all of the basic information at the last minute is nearly impossible.”

So Peter listed all the people who need to be notified when he dies.

“For example, the army for retirement pension, the tax accountant and the family lawyer,” he said. “But I’m still working on the list of friends.”

Peter said that at first their four daughters, ages 26 to 35, were uncomfortable and joked to cover up some uneasiness. “But when they realized what we were doing, they appreciated it,” Nancy said.

“My dad’s got what to do all written out for us step by step,” said their daughter, Julia Henderson, 35. As the oldest child, Henderson was made executrix of the Wygle’s living trust.

“Each one of us was put in charge of the area we could best handle,” Henderson said. “And it was a tremendous relief not to be worrying about what they would want us to do,” she added.

The Wygles have requested cremation and Dixieland music to be played at their memorial ceremonies. “You’re gonna cry. But that’s fine,” Nancy told her daughters. “Then order some liquor, have a bash and think of us.”

Peter said that after talking with his daughters, he and his wife sensed there was some relief in acknowledging their parents’ mortality.

“We don’t dwell on death,” said Nancy. “But at least they know we care for them. And this is one less thing for them to worry about.”

* WHERE AND WHEN

“Final Celebrations: A Guide for Personal and Family Funeral Planning” by Kathleen Sublette and Martin Flagg, is available for $9.95 plus tax from Pathfinder Publishing of California, 458 Dorothy Ave. Ventura, CA 93003 (805) 642-9278 and Ventura Bookstore, 522 E. Main St., Ventura, (805) 643-4069.