1-800-BAD IDEA: Senate President Pro Tem David...

1-800-BAD IDEA: Senate President Pro Tem David Roberti (D-Los Angeles) came up with the brilliant notion of a 1-800-MYMONEY hot line for voters who want to make suggestions on eliminating waste in Sacramento.

Unfortunately, a businessman in Orange already had that number--and was promptly inundated with several hundred unwanted calls.

Fortunately, there are all sorts of other possibilities for a new line. May we suggest, as a message to the governor and state Legislature: 1-800-GETREAL, 1-800-APAYCUT, 1-800-NOPERKS, 1-800-GETLOST or, simply, 1-800-URESIGN.

List of the day: The 800-MYMONEY fiasco calls to mind some of our favorite local phone snafus:

1. A Long Beach attorney, who was moving to Huntington Beach earlier this year, left his new phone number on a recorded message. It was the number for the Orange County Jail.

2. Several residents of Orange County forgot to dial the 213 area code when calling the L.A. Coalition Against U.S. Intervention in the Mideast last year and, instead, reached March Air Force Base.

3. A fake message, left on the special red emergency phones in the RTD offices as a joke, advised employees in the moments following the 1991 Sierra Madre earthquake: “We are all doomed. Drop your pants and kiss your ass goodby.”

4. Folks calling a California Lottery information line in 1987 instead heard surprising suggestions from a sultry-voiced woman on a commercial “dial-a-porn” service.

5. A Democratic Assembly hopeful on the Westside sent out decals with “local emergency telephone numbers” as a public service a few years ago. But the number for “fire and paramedics” was actually that of a Westwood pizza parlor. The joint claimed that it did respond quickly to calls, however.

Does TV imitate life?Michael Dykes of L.A., who spotted the accompanying blurb in a recent TV Guide, wonders if the right man was chosen for the guest role.

Dueling signs: Sol Taylor notes that OSTEGO and OTSEGO have been locked in a face-off at opposite corners in Sherman Oaks “for at least the past 10 years.” How about compromising on OSWEGO?

Send in the clown: City Council regulars figured they were finally going to find out the identity of the fellow who attends meetings in a clown costume--and once offered to occupy an absent council member’s chair when a quorum was needed.

The character with the orange-thatched ‘do was among several people who filled out cards announcing their intention to address the council. When his turn came, Acting Council President Marvin Braude looked at the card, paused and announced: “Mr. Clown.”

The bozo had already departed, though.

miscelLAny:

It’s against the law to skateboard with sails in Torrance.