TV Non-Debates

In response to the non-debate over the presidential debate, we need to take a look at the efficacy of the proposed formats.

Ever since a cool and composed Kennedy outshone a shifty and tired Nixon, televised debates have been decisive events in the presidential race. But if televised confrontation is the accepted way for Americans to choose their leaders, why not use the medium to its fullest potential. If 200 years of democracy, coupled with 40 years of television, has taught us anything, it is how to separate the winners from the losers in prime time Technicolor.

Format No. 1: Jeopardy, 1/2 hour

Candidates will choose answers from five categories: U.S. History, Geopolitics, Macroeconomics, Family Values, The Vision Thing. The event will have a single moderator and an anonymous panel of judges. Correct responses will be awarded electoral votes and the winner will take all.

Format No. 2: Geraldo, 1 hour

A forum composed of 200 citizens from New York, Cleveland and Los Angeles will be able to ask either candidate any question. The moderator may interject at any time. Note: As a safety precaution, all chairs will be bolted to the floor.

Format No. 3: Monday Night Football, 3 hours

This finale of the presidential challenge will be held the night before the election. The candidates and their staff will compete under NFL regulations. The presidential candidate is required to call all plays, as well as play quarterback and middle linebacker.

DAVID MacVEAN

Irvine