This Mailing List Is One They Will Try to Get Off : THE COLLEGES

Here at Bottom Ten Central, we’re constantly receiving mail addressed to the Big Ten. It’s so easy to confuse the two groups of losers.

This week, for instance, equally winless Michigan State, Minnehaha and Northwestern have jumped to the top of the Bottom Ten rankings. Northwestern didn’t play last week, but the Mildcats looked unimpressive while scouting Purdue for this Saturday’s game.

Elsewhere, Houston Coach John Jenkins, a 7-61 loser, was accused of pouring it on himself by leaving his inept first team in the game too long. Two shabby San Diego State athletic facilities were tied at No. 11 after Coach Al Luginbill said of the school’s 7-35 loss to UCLA: “We were atrocious. That’s not just players, that’s coaches, the training room, the equipment room. . .”

And no sooner did Sports Illustrated publish a highly critical piece about The Citadel--primarily the hazing of freshmen athletes by upperclassmen--than the football team jumped off to its best start in history (4-0). The Sports Illustrated jinx strikes again.

The rankings:

School, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Michigan State (0-3) 0-14, B.C. Indiana 1. Minnesota (0-3) 33-41, Pitt Illinois 1. Northwestern (0-3) Idle Purdue 4. BYU (1-3) 32-36, Hawaii Utah State 5. Maryland (0-4) 13-49, Penn State Pitt 6. Arkansas (1-3) 6-22, Memphis State Georgia 7. Clemson (1-2) 16-20, Georgia Tech Tenn (Chattanooga) 8. Brown* Idle Unknown 9. LSU (1-3) 14-17, Colorado State Tennessee 10. Houston** (1-2) 7-61, Michigan SW Louisiana

11. (Tie) San Diego State’s training and equipment rooms; 13. Arizona State (1-2); 14. Missouri (0-3); 15. Iowa (1-3); 16. Texas (1-2); 17. Louisville (1-3); 18. Idle; 19. Pentagon (Army, Navy, Air Force) (4-6); 20. AP Poll (this week ranks Oklahoma ahead of USC, which defeated Oklahoma earlier this month).

*Not the Ivy League school but boxer Simon Brown, whose junior-middleweight title match against Terry Norris was called off after he complained of mysterious chest pains.

**Inadvertent asterisk; please continue reading.

*

Rout of the Week: Utah State (1-3) over BYU (1-3).

Where They Are Now: Wild Willie, the 540-pound bull who was publicly castrated in front of Mississippi State Coach Jackie Sherrill’s players to inspire them for a game against the Texas Longhorns, has been saved from the slaughterhouse. Two businessmen purchased him and plan to make him into an international tourist attraction. The animal, by the way, is now known as Gentle Willie.

Quotebook: Sports Illustrated’s Norman Chad on Notre Dame’s oversensitive little coach, Lou Holtz: “He’d be a logical running mate for Ross Perot.”

THE PROS

The magic number is 12 for the Raiders--12 more games and the Silver and Black and Blue’s miserable season will be over.

The team’s disastrous start was symbolized by a dying-quail pass from quarterback Todd Marinovich that was intercepted, setting up a field goal by Kansas City. Some NFL historians said they hadn’t seen such a weak toss since the infamous, three-foot-long throw of Miami placekicker Garo Yepremian in the Super Bowl two decades ago.

Marinovich, who played only two years at USC, is reportedly mulling over an offer to tape a public service announcement in which he would say: “Young quarterbacks, see what happens when you drop out of school? Don’t make the same mistake I did.”

Elsewhere, Keith Jackson, who was recently declared a free agent, said he will stay with ABC-TV as a football announcer rather than jump to a revived version of the TV show, “Hee Haw!”

The rankings:

STILL WINLESS AFTER ALL THESE WEEKS*

Wreck, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Raiders (0-4) 7-27, K.C. N.J. Giants 2. N.J. Jets (0-4) 10-18, Anaheim Olde England 3. San Diego (0-4) 0-27, Houston Seattle 4. Phoenix (0-3) Idle Washington 5. Olde England (0-3) 7-41, Buffalo N.J. Jets

*No NFL team has finished 0-16.

DICKERSON’S STREAK*

Team, Streak Last Loss Next Loss 1. Indianapolis (0-10) 3-17, Tampa Bay (‘91) --- 2. Raiders (0-4) 7-27, K.C. N.J. Giants

*Current losing streak of Raiders’ Eric Dickerson, dating back to 1991 with the Colts.

FLORES’ CURSE*

Team Shula Result 1. Cincinnati Dave Def. Seattle, 21-3 Sep. 6 2. Miami Don Def. Seattle, 19-17 Sep. 27

*Seahawks’ Tom Flores is first coach to lose to both Shulas.

Attention, Matt Millen: Broadcaster Jim Lampley on the current crop of NFL announcers: “There are a lot of ex-players out there who are John Madden clones, or clowns.”