CHARGER REVIEW : REPORT CARD : Pasadena or Bust

B: QUARTERBACKS

Final touches on that made for TV movie: “The Stan Humphries Story: Benchwarmer becomes Stud QB” are in works. George Wendt will play Humphries as benchwarmer; Macaulay Culkin has part of Stan The Man.

A-: RUNNING BACKS

Trying to tackle Ronnie Harmon is like trying to pin down Ross Perot. Forget it. Marion Butts fumbles. Cindy Crawford hasn’t called. Hey, everybody makes a mistake once in their life.

A: RECEIVERS

Holy Stick-um. Nate Lewis catches a pair of touchdown passes and Anthony Miller tops 100-yard mark again. Ball machine will have first class seat, or Shawn Jefferson’s place, on trip to Kansas City.

A: OFFENSIVE LINE

A day after Halloween and these lugs still come to the ballpark all dressed up like they are Pro Bowl performers. Or, were they just trying to get out of Marion Butts’ way?

A+: DEFENSIVE LINE

You would have thought Phyllis George was at QB the way Grossman, O’Neal, Winter and Mims were in pursuit. They had their doubts about Galileo, too, but the earth does revolve around the sun, and Chris Mims has two sacks in one game.

A: LINEBACKERS

The Colts should never have allowed Al Luginbill to call their offensive plays. Bad guys in Steve Seagal movies don’t get beaten up any worse than Colts’ running back Anthony Johnson.

A: DEFENSIVE BACKS

It’s hardly fair: Colts never have chance to score with Donald Frank sitting on bench. Tony Blaylock and Darren Carrington should be poster children demonstrating the benefits of recycling.

A-: SPECIAL TEAMS

John Kidd averages 52.7 yards a punt, John Carney is good from 33 yards and Chargers dominate special teams play. Party-poopers.

A: COACHING

How long before Dana Carvey starts imitating Bobby Ross? Bust of Alex Spanos will go alongside that of Jack Murphy and Ray Kroc after Super Bowl trophy acceptance ceremony.