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It’s Simply in His Personality to Knock the No-Fun League

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Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune on press releases in the near future:

“The National Football League announced today it is well along on its program of individuality cleansing.

“It now has eliminated successfully every ounce of personality from its coaches, the last drop being drained from Jerry Glanville of Atlanta, who had thought he was just having the oil changed in his motorcycle.

“ ‘With all of the coaching vacancies filled and none of them by Mike Ditka or Buddy Ryan,’ ” said Commissioner Paul Tagliabue, “ ‘we found ourselves ahead of schedule. Now our goal is to make every coach look exactly like George Seifert, or Jim Mora, whichever one is which.’ ”

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Trivia time: What Super Bowl team had the most defeats during the regular season?

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Wrong choice: According to Jay Leno, the New England Patriots should have named Saddam Hussein their coach instead of Bill Parcells. “That way, even though they’re getting crushed on Sunday, they could claim a victory.”

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Bol’s bonanza: The wife of Philadelphia 76er center Manute Bol won $486,000 playing a slot machine called High Rollers at the Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, N.J.

The money will be paid to Atong Bol over 20 years. Bol will make $1.65 million this season with the 76ers. Bol’s agent said the 7-foot-7 native of the Sudan and his wife have regularly contributed to famine relief in his homeland.

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Homecoming: Overheard at the Super Bowl golf tournament was Mayor Rick Cole of Pasadena, on being introduced to the Washington Redskins’ Ricky Ervins, saying, “Welcome to Pasadena, Ricky.”

Ervins was a standout running back at Muir High in Pasadena before going to USC.

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Wrong Granny: The late Bill (Granny) Granholm, a former NFL executive, in his earlier days as the equipment manager for the Rams, established a “5:30 Club” for sportswriters to meet with the coaching staff after practices during summer training camp.

The club was usually established in a rented home in Orange. One day, a neophyte reporter walked up to a house and asked a woman who answered the door, “Is Granny here?”

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“Granny has been in a rest home for 20 years,” she said, slamming the door.

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Shortchanged? Wade Phillips, new coach of the Denver Broncos, says he will have a good working relationship with owner Pat Bowlen.

“We can work together on anything, with him having the final say, but I’ll have my two cents in and that’s all I want.”

Which brought this from San Francisco Chronicle columnist C.W. Nevius: “Critics of Bowlen say that’s all he will get.”

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FYI: Bill Shoemaker, then 54, was the oldest jockey to win the Kentucky Derby, in 1986 aboard Ferdinand.

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Trivia answer: The Rams, with a 9-7 record in 1979.

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Quotebook: Dallas defensive tackle Tony Casillas, on Jerry Glanville, his former coach at Atlanta: “The only way Jerry is going to get to the Super Bowl is if somebody leaves him tickets.”

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