Lawyers in love: In honor of Valentine’s...

Lawyers in love: In honor of Valentine’s Day, California Lawyer magazine investigated the accuracy of “L.A. Law,” which gives the impression that “the Persian-carpeted halls of most law firms hum with more latent sexual energy than the corridors of junior highs.”

Outside TV’s fictional Mackenzie, Brackman firm in the downtown 444 Building, the real world is a bit duller. But writer Margo Kaufman did hear stories of:

--”A partner getting caught with his secretary in a conference room chair.”

--”A spurned associate writing a foul word on the hood of a senior partner’s Jaguar with her key.”

--And a lawyer who “consummated an affair with a senior partner in the office library sink.”

Even more shocking were tales of happy marriages between lawyers. But, as one attorney explained: “Lawyers are attracted to each other because we repel everybody else.”

Case closed.

More legal bull: Some Northridge residents want a four-acre lot designated a landmark because of some quality sperm dispensed there by a Hereford stud bull in the late 1940s. They contend that the animal, Sugwas Feudal, made a significant contribution to the meat packing industry by strengthening the Hereford breed.

Opponents say the preservationists are really trying to block a neighboring church’s plans to purchase and develop the property.

The L.A. Cultural Heritage Commission will rule next Wednesday on whether to immortalize Sugwas, who should at least be remembered as the bovine equivalent of “L.A. Law’s” Arnie Becker.

Phantom heat wave: “I spotted a temperature sign at Sepulveda and Olympic that read 155 degrees Fahrenheit,” related writer Brad Johnson. He noted that “155 degrees is the level at which Jack in the Box is cooking its burgers to avoid more cases of food contamination. No sign of a JIB at that intersection, though.”

The truth about Alfred’s grin: Dr. Marvin Leaf, a retired dentist, wrote to correct a misconception that Mad magazine cover boy Alfred E. Neuman has a missing tooth.

“It is,” Leaf said, “a diastema--a space between the upper central incisors resulting from too low an attachment of the labial frenum, the fibrous fold of tissue that connects the upper lip to the upper jaw.”

Alfred himself couldn’t have put it better.

Hollywoodski on the Volga: No truth to the rumor that the financially troubled Hollywood Christmas Parade has defected to Russia. Actually, Johnny Grant, Tinseltown’s honorary mayor, was in Red Square to publicize the fact that he will participate in Russia’s May 9 Victory Parade, marking the end of World War II in Europe.

Hello, it’s me: So how did Kelly Karlstein find her cordless phone after she misplaced it at her Westside residence. She picked up her husband’s phone and dialed herself. Luckily, she was home.

miscelLAny:

Happy Valentine’s Day to Roy and Cecil Walker, who may be the longest-married couple in the Southland. They celebrated their 76th wedding anniversary Friday at the Chateau Whittier retirement home. Roy, who obviously preferred older women, married Cecil when she was 21 and he was 19.