It Was Time for a Salute to Mediocrity

Not everyone in college football was satisfied when Miami’s Gino Torretta won the Heisman Trophy last year, especially after the way he was throttled by Alabama in the Sugar Bowl.

Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune found some good in the selection: “Someone had to win the thing, and not everyone can be Bo Jackson. Torretta stands as an inspiration for slow, squatty, scatter-armed quarterbacks yet unborn.”

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Marital woe: Former U.S. Amateur golf champion Bob Gardner was playing in an alternate-shot, husband-and-wife tournament when his wife was faced with a difficult carry across a deep ravine. She asked her husband what club to use.

“Whiff it,” he replied. She walked off the course.

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Trivia time: Which is the only team to win the NCAA and NIT basketball tournaments in the same year?

What’s in a name?If you think Mighty Ducks is a strange nickname, how about the Geoducks of Evergreen State College in Washington. A geoduck is the largest known burrowing mollusk in the world.

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Add Evergreen: The school’s motto is “Omnia Extares, “ which, loosely translated from the Latin, means “Let it all hang out.”

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Chip off the old block: Sean McEnroe, 5, was with his father at a Davis Cup news conference when he shouted: “Dad! Someone is taking a picture of me. Cut it out, you!”

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Health nut: George Steinbrenner didn’t waste any time getting his ideas across when he regained control of the New York Yankees. One of his first acts was to place a book on the chair in front of each player’s spring training locker in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.

The book was entitled “Home Plate Strategy: A Guide to Good Eating for Baseball Players.”

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Tobacco time: Rick Mackey, who finished third, had a good reason why he didn’t beat Jeff King in the Iditarod dog sled race last week:

“We had comparable skills and comparable dog teams, but Jeff’s a strong athlete. I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day--I can’t run like he can.”

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Simply wishing: Blackie Sherrod of the Dallas Morning News, while not condoning the racist and ethnic slurs by Marge Schott, wishes that she had taken the baseball establishment to court.

“Wouldn’t you love to see her crack Washington lawyer, Bob Bennett, slap some of those hypocritical owners on the stand, under oath?” he wrote.

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Fractured English: French motorcycle road racer Raymond Roche was trying to explain to reporters how he crashed in a chicane and suffered some broken toes. It came out this way:

“I crashed in the chicken and broke the fingers of my feet.”

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Out of round: John Daly hits golf balls so hard that he uses 12 to 15 in 18 holes, about twice what the normal tour player uses. After Daly hits a couple of tee shots, his ball is actually no longer round.

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Trivia answer: City College of New York, in 1950.

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Quotebook: Baltimore Oriole coach Davey Lopes, on watching former Dodger teammate Fernando Valenzuela trying out with the Orioles: “I get a little more emotionally involved, I get a few more goose bumps. He still has that charisma.”