ORANGE COUNTY VOICES : Teen Struggles, Expectations Are a Learning Experience : The knowledge gained from dealing with high school pressures helps prepare adolescents for adulthood.

Being a teen-ager is one of the most exciting periods of life. But it also has its challenges. In high school, we are not only expected to excel in academics, but also to be socially involved with our peers. Therefore, as adolescents we are challenged by decisions that will forever shape our future.

Academics has been made all the more difficult by the expectations of others, such as parents, teachers and counselors. The pressure is strong to achieve and get straight A’s. I am constantly forced to deal with stress in pleasing parents, getting good grades, finding time for my friends and lots of commitments to my school, family and church. The key to me is time management and setting priorities. Not only do we learn in the classrooms, but also in life experiences from the social atmosphere and relationships in high school.

As I reflect upon my freshmen year in high school I remember the seniors stamping the freshmen with the word “scrub,” and teasing us. This not only intimidated many of us, but also heightened the need of feeling accepted, to be a part of the “in crowd.” Some students think that the “in crowd” has the most fun, but people who are confident with themselves realize others will like you for who you are more than who you try to be.

But insecurity, or just the need to be accepted as an equal by your friends, becomes a fear for many teens. Sometimes, feeling a lack of self-confidence, they succumb to the negatives of peer pressure.

Teen-agers need to learn how to look at things objectively and to choose what is right and wrong. In high school we are faced with issues such as drugs, alcohol and sex. “Should I?” or Shouldn’t I?” racks the brains of youth. For example, one of the biggest problems is drinking. The pressure to drink is unbelievable. It is really hard to say “no” when others treat drinking so casually and look like they are having a lot of fun. No matter how much teen-agers are told not to drink, they see adults drink. Society is sending them a mixed message.

The first message that we need to impress upon teens is not to drink. But the teens who succumb to the pressure and decide, “Yes, I’m going to do it,” need to be educated to at least not drink and drive. We must make them aware of what will happen--and that if they don’t make the responsible decision not to drink and drive, they will have to pay the consequences.

Other issues that teens deal with are dating and relationships. I have two friends, let’s call them Alex and Stacey. Their relationship was going pretty well, but it had a major setback. Their parents. Stacey is Caucasian and Alex is African-American. Stacey’s parents prohibited the relationship, due to Alex’s ethnic background. Stacey was determined not to lose Alex and continued to see him, but behind her parents’ backs. This caused a barrier in the parent-teen relationship. Stacey constantly lied to her parents, which undoubtedly caused distrust. Stacey’s parents finally, but reluctantly, decided to permit Stacey to see Alex. It took some time, but gradually Stacey’s parents began to see Alex’s true character and accepted him for who he was, not reject him because of his ethnic background.

The point is that even if parents don’t like decisions teens make about dating and relationships, they must try to understand and support that decision and not erect barriers that cut off communications and block trust. It’s important for parents not to put unrealistic pressure on themselves, or their children. Both make mistakes and both need to help each other by compromising.

High school years are a time of awkwardness and a struggle for independence. Teen-agers are no longer children. They make decisions and learn from their mistakes and accomplishments. They need their parents’ love, support and guidance. And a relationship built on communication and understanding. Without that, teens can sometimes take the wrong paths.

Adolescence is a progression of maturity. The time will soon come when we have to be on our own. The knowledge and experience we gained in our teen-age years will help shape our lives and prepare us to take our places in the adult world.