50 Best & Worst Things About Baseball

BEST / WORST * Vin Scully in the ninth inning / The Pittsburgh Pirates bullpen in the ninth inning * Vin Scully in the first inning / Tom Glavine in the first inning * A no-hitter by a pitcher over 30 / A combined no-hitter * Two-out, full-count, bases-loaded fastball / First-inning, none-out pickoff throw * Craig Lefferts sprinting to the mound / Any catcher trying to run to first base * Tony Gwynn throwing from the right field corner / David Cone hanging out in the New York Mets’ right-field bullpen * Ozzie Guillen throwing from the hole between second and third base / Jose Offerman throwing from anywhere * Ken Caminiti throwing from behind third base / Ballboys who can’t make the play on fouls behind third base * The Philly Phanatic, the hardest-working fuzzy green thing in the game / The Chicken, the tiredest cluck in the game * Harry Caray in the seventh-inning stretch in Chicago / The beer commercial performed during the seventh-inning stretch in St. Louis * The Canadian National Anthem / The U.S. National Anthem * Video replay of Hank Aaron’s 715th home run / The two hippies who chase Hank Aaron around second base in that video replay * Andy Van Slyke diving / The 245 outfielders who never dive * Ken Griffey Jr. leaping over the center-field wall / Rob Dibble throwing a fastball over the center-field wall * Dave Dravecky coming back / Fernando Valenzuela trying to come back again * A cold beer during an afternoon game / More than one cold beer during an afternoon game * Fifth-row seat in spring training / Fifth-row seat in spring training when a foul ball is hit * Sparky Anderson shooting the breeze at 4 p.m. / Players who don’t show up by 4 p.m * Tony La Russa working his lineup at 10 p.m. / Pitchers who are dressed in civilian clothes by 10 p.m * ESPN at 11:30 p.m. / Anybody who tries to imitate Chris Berman * Francisco Cabrera at 12:53 a.m. / Postseason games that don’t end until 12:53 a.m * Players and managers who turn their caps around when arguing with umpires / Players and managers who throw bats and coolers on the field after arguing with umpires * Jack Clark’s batting stance / The owners’ stance on just about anything * Nolan Ryan’s grunts / Rickey Henderson’s gripes * Kirk Gibson’s eye black / Tony Conigliaro’s black eye * Dennis Eckersley’s mustache / Whitey Herzog’s hair * Kirby Puckett’s smile / Tom Kelly’s refusal to smile * Dave Stewart’s stare / Chris Sabo’s goggles * That Tim Crews and Steve Olin were not given more than one chance / That Steve Howe has been given dozens of chances * The right-field overhang at Yankee Stadium / The empty right-field seats at Dodger Stadium on nights the section is closed to save money * Managers named Buck / Players named Bucky * Players named Cal / An afternoon game in the Cal League * Flip-top sunglasses / Wraparound, Darth-Vadar sunglasses * The center field wall at Oriole Park at Camden Yards / The fact that nobody could come up with a shorter name than Oriole Park at Camden Yards * Box scores and breakfast / Those who don’t understand the difference between an ‘S’ and an ‘SF’ * 4-2-3-4 / 4-0-0-0 * Players who won’t sign cards for money / Memorabilia investors who want their cards signed for free * The seventh game of a league championship series / The second game of an August doubleheader * The All-Star game introductions / The All-Star game ninth inning * High-top cleats / Wristbands adorned with drawings of players faces * High stirrups / Pants pulled down to shoe tops * Players who won’t wipe off the dirt / Players who spend 10 minutes behind second base wiping off the dirt * Grand slams by Eddie Murray / Those who don’t realize that the phrase “grand slam homer” is redundant * The bow-at-the-hips salute given Andre Dawson / The one-finger salute given to San Diego Padres fans by then-president Chub Feeney * Dodger Stadium national anthems / Lip-synched national anthems * The fountains behind the outfield fence at Royals Stadium / The string of red brake lights behind the outfield fence during the seventh inning at Dodger Stadium * The minor leagues as seen by melodramatic authors / The minor leagues as seen by those who have to play there * Elderly fans who keep score by their radios / Groupies who keep score in other ways * Picking up Ernie Harwell and a Detroit Tigers game on the radio while driving through the midwest / Picking up a college baseball game on the radio anywhere * The big fat guy with the torn T-shirt in the upper deck who wins the trip to Europe on Fan Appreciation day / The former catcher who shows up as a big fat guy on old-timers day * “The Giants win the pennant, the Giants win the pennant, the Giants win the pennant” / “See ya next spring”