One Game Makes a Season

Downey’s California:

--Nice season Mark Whiten had Tuesday.

--I don’t want to say Whiten had a big night, but the lyric of that baseball song has just been changed to “Whiten, Mickey & the Duke.”

--Even Babe Ruth or Hank Aaron never had a 16-bagger.

--Whiten also had as many RBIs in one game, 12, as Darryl Strawberry has in 1993. One unfair advantage for Whiten is that he comes to the park.

--Stupid me. I thought the “player to be named later” in the Eric Davis deal would be a player whose name I had heard sooner.

--The good news is that the Dodgers still have Brett Butler. The only bad news is that every team should get to have a Brett Butler.

--Butler and Jose Offerman hit home runs. Check the bats.

--Oh, and ignore this Darryl Kile thing. Jim Abbott threw September’s only actual no-hitter. Major league baseball no longer recognizes no-hitters against the New York Mets.

--The Mets are so bad, they may open contract talks with Long Beach’s Jeremy Hess.

--He’s turning 13, which should make him the Mets’ most mature player.

--Three-year deal, $3 million a year and all the Nintendo he can play.

--Sean Burroughs of the Little League champions told David Letterman that he knew the Philippines’ players of 1992 were too old because: “We saw them in the bathroom, shaving.”

--After playing another kind of hardball, Darren Dreifort, the new Double D, finally agreed to be the Dodger closer of tomorrow. You know money talks when a guy says he can’t decide whether to pitch for the Los Angeles Dodgers or Wichita State.

--Kelly Gruber, thanks for the memories.

--Hey, nice U.S. Open: Tennis, anyone? And I do mean anyone.

--When someone told me Cedric Pioline and Magnus Larsson had a good day in New York, I thought he meant two department stores.

--John McEnroe said women announcers shouldn’t work men’s tennis. Yeah, right. What would Billie Jean King know about beating a man in tennis?

--Hot reading in South Bend, Ind.: “Bonfire of the Books About Notre Dame.”

--Look-alikes: Bill Walsh and Groucho Marx.

--Some guy just ran the mile in 3:44. In Southern California, you can’t drive a mile in 3:44.

--The Dallas Cowboys should trade Emmitt Smith to the Minnesota Vikings for nine players. Worked last time.

--Looking to improve the San Diego Charger offense this week, Coach Bobby Ross intends to have John Carney kick seven field goals.

--Mike Ditka on NBC: Two peacocks for the price of one.

--His job is to discuss Emmitt Smith and Jim Kelly before this Sunday’s Dallas-Buffalo game, so maybe Ditka will again dress like Emmett Kelly.

--I haven’t seen clothes that ugly since Bill Veeck owned the White Sox.

--Don King promoted the Chavez-Whitaker fight as “The Fight.” He thought this fight could be better than his last “The Fight,” but maybe not as good a fight as his next “The Fight.”

--In case Pernell Whitaker doesn’t show, that guy from the Green Bay department store who duked it out with Tommy Morrison is available.

--Minnesota Viking quarterback Jim McMahon says he is sick of people discussing what he does off the field. Fair enough. On the field last Sunday, Jim McMahon stunk.

--I figure the Kansas City Chiefs for an 8-8 record this season. They win the eight Joe Montana plays.

--Florida State isn’t the No. 1 college football team in the country. Alabama is, until somebody proves different.

--Congratulations to Cal State Northridge on winning its season opener from San Diego State, 17-34.

--The first thing Pat Riley should do with his book, “The Winner Within,” is throw it at John Starks.

--How in the world could Poland have blown that World Cup qualifying game Wednesday against England? I’ve been following Polish soccer and collecting Polish soccer memorabilia for years now and I was counting on winning this game! Damn! Some things really make me mad, you know?

--If Baltimore’s Camden Yards is such a throwback to the past, why are there billboards advertising Bud Light?

--USC, with two, remains the current NCAA leader in women’s basketball coaches.