Just don’t send back any dishes when...

Just don’t send back any dishes when the moon is full: Irene Machuca of Manhattan Beach was in Downtown’s Original Pantry Cafe when she heard another diner discussing a benefit involving some prominent chefs.

“There were a lot of restaurants involved?” the waiter asked him.

“Yeah,” the diner said. “Probably the biggest was Wolfman Puck from Spago’s.”

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Even the Wolfman would cringe at this one: Ruth Breslow spotted a menu item for a critter not often served in restaurants (see excerpt), perhaps because it’s usually the one doing the carving.

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A howl from the past: No sooner did we publish an item on Outrageous Nevada, a Santa Monica dog who has barked out an album of Christmas carols, than we ran across a possible ancestor (see photo). The L.A. Chamber of Commerce mailed offbeat shots of this type to newspapers around the nation in the 1920s and 1930s to spur tourism. We have no clues to the melodious hound’s name, though we’ve ruled out Rin Tin Tin and Lassie as well as the Wolfman.

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Speaking of top dogs: As you may have heard, Daryl Gates, police chief-turned-talk jock, helped design the latest installment of a computer company’s Police Quest software game. Gates told Business Week magazine that he hasn’t mellowed, pointing out that the game’s script originally called for the hero to be confronted by a dog. “I would have shot the dog,” Gates said. But the scene was eliminated. The magazine piece, by the way, is titled, “Stop Me Before I Shill Again.”

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Still another cruel set of parents!The beautiful but murderous blonde nanny in “Addams Family Values” blames her crimes on Mom and Dad, who neglected to buy her the Christmas present that she wanted above all others as a child--Malibu Barbie.

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And her dead agent will get 10%: Anita Lafond spotted a casting notice in the publication, Drama-Logue, that announced openings for several characters, including a “Rod Steiger type” and “a female, 20s . . . dead actress preferred.”

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Mikey--bad boy!Junk bond felon Michael Milken’s controversial job at UCLA isn’t his first teaching gig. He also founded an instructional group called Mike’s Math Club.

A letter sent from Mike’s Math Club to one local elementary school last year said, “You’re probably wondering, ‘Who is Mike?’ ” Neglecting to mention his last name, the letter went on to say that, a few years ago, Mike “began visiting classes and playing fun games that allow students to practice their math skills.”

But it seems that Mike wasn’t able to visit that school. “Mike is living in Northern California,” the letter explained.

And so he was--in a federal prison.

miscelLAny:

We don’t want to say the French airline, AOM, is snooty, but its billboard near LAX says: “0 Flights to Detroit.”