PERSPECTIVE ON CHILD MOLESTING : Empower Kids for Self-Defense : They have to know that it’s OK to make a scene--to be seen and heard--when danger threatens.

There are aphorisms that can be damaging, especially when they are used to enforce compliant behavior by children. Take, for instance, “Children should be seen and not heard” and “What you don’t know can’t hurt you.” In light of the predator who is terrorizing schoolchildren in the San Fernando Valley, it’s important that we replace the message of those tired sayings with rules that can help children protect themselves.

We tend to think that children are helpless when faced with a grown-up who wishes them harm. Of course, in a full-out struggle, the adult has most of the advantage. However, a child who has practiced very simple self-protection techniques has a dramatically increased chance of saving herself or himself from harm. Fortunately, molesters are not out looking for struggles; they look for a child who will freeze, a child who won’t give them any trouble, a child who won’t make a scene.

The 11-year-old girl who fended off the San Fernando Valley molester last week is an inspiring example of how useful a little information can be in dangerous situations. She didn’t freeze; she fought back. She saved herself from further harm by following the instructions that she had received from caring adults: “Don’t talk to strangers” and “Run away.” However, if she’d had more information--and this is not a criticism of anyone, especially her--the incident could have turned out differently. It might even have led to the apprehension of the man, who is a suspect in half a dozen of 26 child-molestation cases reported in the San Fernando Valley since February.

The girl was walking to school Wednesday morning in Van Nuys when she realized she had left her drill-team whistle at home. She turned back, and when she got to her house, she suspected that a man was following her. At that point, she could have called 911 when she was in the house simply on the basis of her suspicion.

We must teach our children to trust their instinct and to understand that the worst thing that could happen if their instinct turned out to be wrong is that they might be embarrassed. To some children, embarrassment is excruciating, especially if it’s accompanied by teasing and ridicule. The main premise of Kidpower, a family workshop for children’s self-protection skills, is this: The safety and well-being of a child is worth causing anyone embarrassment, inconvenience or offense--including adults, other children or the child himself or herself.

Other specifics that would have been powerful for the girl to know is that she could have started yelling “911” or “I need help” at the top of her lungs when the man drew near or when he grabbed her. She could have also been yelling out an extremely loud description of him to catch the attention of passersby. Predatory molesters are hit-and-run artists: They don’t want a scene; they don’t want a child who has been trained to break the “seen and not heard” rule.

If only the girls at Polly Klaas’ house that night in Petaluma had made lots of noise. There’s no guarantee that the man who kidnaped her at knife-point wouldn’t have harmed her or her friends, but hollering for help would have alerted the adults nearby.

It’s important for everyone to know that it’s better to fight at the initial point of an assault, before the perpetrator has the victim isolated.

Children, however--as most of us who love them know--are simply gentle short human beings and would rather not hurt someone or make a “fool” out of themselves even when they are being threatened. It’s not enough simply to tell children (and adults) to be loud and run when accosted. People, kids included, need to become comfortable about being loud, making a racket, making trouble, making a scene. This takes practice. We know that preparedness drills turn out to be very effective in earthquakes or fires. The same is true in assault situations.

When people freeze, it’s because they have no experience to draw from. Irene van der Zande, the executive director of Kidpower, suspected that her own kids were apt to be just as frozen about yelling as she was herself. She was right; they were mortified at the prospect of yelling under stress. So she took them to a remote area and had them practice, “No! I need help! 911!”

The schoolgirl in Van Nuys elbowed the man, which was a thoroughly effective move, and ran away. That’s something else we have to teach kids: that when they hit soft tissue on a grown-up with a hard place on their own body, small or not, there will be an effect. “Action” movies and television have given us all the idea that men are impervious to pain. Not true in real life.

Rapists and molesters, by the same token, are counting on what they see in movies and television, too: that children are easy marks. That has to change.

The instinct to protect oneself is a natural one for all organisms. For example, people approach strange dogs with respect, regardless of the dogs’ age or gender. A young dog can bark as loud and bite as hard as an older one; a female dog is no less formidable than a male. It’s important that we let children know that they have the right to fight back when in danger. What we have to do is show them how.

Children should be heard. What you don’t know can hurt you.