His Mission Is to Abolish the Morning Rush (Limbaugh) Hour

Eight-thirty. Wednesday morning. Fresh strands of sunlight are shafting through the eucalyptus trees onto the sign in a Mission Valley shopping mall: “Camel’s Breath Inn.”

Brian Keliher takes a deep breath before he swings the door open. For him, this is like making a guest appearance in the gunfight at the OK Corral. The guy is a one-man crusade--to fight the Rising Tide of Rushians (as in Limbaugh lovers) invading this supposedly liberal land.

Keliher publishes the “Flush Rush” newsletter/magazine. But he has been watching with dismay as the man he knows as “the Morons’ Messiah” climbs from height to height.

Limbaugh is in the galaxy of Popular Radio Personalities--Howard Stern and Larry King, among them. He has 18 million listeners at more than 262 stations, a book on the New York Times bestseller list for more than a year, a new book with the maddening title “See, I Told You So,” launched with a reported 2 million print run.

Then, adding insult to injury, this new phenomenon--Rush Rooms, where Limbaugh’s fans gather to get their fix of far-right philosophy--in 45 cities.

What tipped it for San Diego-based Keliher--in “normal times” a screenwriters’ agent--was the recent call that went out from a local radio station, asking people to set up Rush Rooms in his neck of the woods.

Within a week, 14 establishments had answered the call, from the Camel’s Breath Inn to Andy’s Old Fashion Barber Shop and the Brass Tee Golf Shop in Escondido to Mom’s Sports Bar and Beach Cafe in Oceanside to Not Just Yogurt in Vista.

Even a yogurt shop! “I couldn’t let that stand,” Keliher says.

Which is why he is here, at the start of a day’s crusade to turn back the tide. The Don Quixote of Liberalism, charging into the Covens of Conservatism--right at Rush hour, when the hated, feted broadcaster is about to begin.

He takes a breath. From inside he can already hear The Voice.

“Welcome to the EIB Network, Excellence in Broadcasting. I am a threat to a specific group of people known as liberals. Today, a special edition: America Held Hostage. It’s Wednesday folks, only 1,171 days of Liberalism left!”

Keliher swings through the door, armed only with The Truth--in the form of a dozen of his Flush Rush quarterly magazines under his arm. He looks around, ready to fend off a couple hundred red-meat-eating Rushians cheering between chomps on their breakfast burgers, and sees six middle-aged people sitting in the big lounge.

Keliher hands each of the two gents at the first table a Flush Rush newsletter and starts proselytizing.

“This guy you’re associating with,” he says, glancing screenward, “is a bigot, a racist, a sexist, a homophobe. And the only people he appeals to are morons who want their hatreds reinforced.”

“Hey, hold it!” says the big guy with the ginger beard at the end of the bar. “You came in here with your publication and you know nothing about us or what we think, and now you’re calling us morons! Who’s the prejudiced person here?”

“Well, your hero calls people morons all the time,” says Keliher. “He calls women ‘feminazis.’ People who listen to Limbaugh have to be morons. And you guys are legitimizing him--and them. You are asking us to think that Rush is OK, and that everything he stands for is OK.”

“All my books together, including audio, total some 7 million out there,” Limbaugh is booming. “That’s more people than can read in this country. But of course you don’t need to read. You just listen here. I’ll tell you what’s in the papers, and I’ll tell you what to think.”

“I kind of like the guy,” says Don Sullivan, eating his omelet and glancing at the newsletter. “I run a corporation. I’m interested in free enterprise. I’m pretty down on the government. So is he.”

“Rush says what people think,” says Larry Nichols, who’s sitting nearby. He and the bearded guy, Chuck Tebbetts, turn out to be part owners of the place. “But they never dared say it, till he came along. We were all persecuted by you Politically Correct Liberals till he came along. Everything he says, you say, ‘Yeah! That’s what I really think, too.’ He’s a breath of fresh air. Hell, he’s got to be. Look at the number of people who tune in.”

*

Soon the debate is in full flower.

(The waitress is wagging her head from left to right, as if she were at a tennis match.)

Chuck: “See, I’m fascinated as to how a college dropout like Limbaugh can get to where he’s got.”

Brian: “Yeah, I was fascinated with how Hitler got to where he got; he was a college dropout, too.”

Chuck: “Have we got a counter-puncher here or what? So how come you don’t object to Jay Leno or Arsenio? They take shots at the politicians all the time.”

Brian: “They’re humorists and they know it, and we know it. Rush? He sees himself as a pundit. He wants you to take him seriously. He wants us all to become sexist, racist and homophobic like him.”

Chuck: “People can come in here and not like him. I’ve seen people come in and sit for hours beside a bartender they hate.”

Brian: “So you’re comparing Rush Limbaugh to an abrasive bartender?”

Chuck: “I’ve talked to a lot of people who like him but don’t think he’s God. Look, it’s the same as a breakfast of ham and eggs. OK, how much did the chicken give of itself to make this breakfast possible? How much did the pig? Yes, the chicken is involved, it gave away an egg. But the pig, it committed big time. We’re chickens. We’re committing a few eggs to Rush, not our lives.”

Larry: “There’s a level of interest in this person we think we can exploit, to get more business. It’s as simple as that. But you’ve got to keep a sense of humor. The guy’s funny.”

Brian: “So, you’d become a Malcolm X Room if you thought it would bring in customers?”

Larry: “We’re saying we play Rush here. Anybody can come.”

*

It’s 10:30 before Keliher gets out of the Camel’s Breath Inn.

“That was nothing,” he says. “I’m usually called a ‘Commie Pinkie Liberal’ or a ‘Draft-Dodging Environmental Gay-Loving, Pro-Abortionist, Pro-Quota Freak.’ I’ve had seven death threats, and those Camel’s Breath guys object to me talking about morons. Give me a break.”

He makes for his car. Next up: the Rush Room of Poochies Self-Service Pet Wash and Espresso Bar, and the offices of Dr. Steven Jaska, the “Brush With Rush” dentist.