Jollies & Follies II

Merry Christmas to:

David Letterman: For his stunning, early ratings bolt past “The Tonight Show” with his new CBS series. Can he keep it up?

Angie Dickinson: For saying no-thanks to a surprise “This Is Your Life” taping and walking out on the show.

Dan Rather: For the TV quote of the year, telling President Clinton via satellite at a CBS affiliates meeting with his new co-anchor Connie Chung: “Mr. President, if we could be one-hundredth as great as you and Hillary Rodham Clinton have been together, we’d take it right now and walk away winners.”

Brett Butler: For saying before her new sitcom “Grace Under Fire” took off like a shot that if it failed, “I’m gainfully employed in a seedy and sophomoric industry called standup.”

“Dateline NBC”: For almost destroying the network’s news credibility with its admission of faking a fiery crash of a GM truck--one of the great boners in TV history.

Lindsay Wagner: Mercedes and BMW must be drooling over her Ford commercials.

Al Gore: The most improved politician in TV effectiveness, as the once-stiff vice president demonstrated when he loosened up and was all over Ross Perot in their NAFTA debate on “The Larry King Live!”

Peg Phillips: Oh, you know her--the wise, free-spirited, elderly yet youthful Ruth-Anne Miller on “Northern Exposure.” One of the best older role models on TV. I think Jack Paar would have used her as a regular.

NBC: For the dumbest title change of the year, renaming “Smoldering Lust,” a private-eye series spoof, “Black Tie Affair,” which had nothing to do with anything on the show.

Mary Tyler Moore: The daily prime-time reruns of her classic show on Nick at Nite are still TV’s best series.

Willie Williams: The police chief’s tone-setting sense of calm on TV was unforgettable in the nervous hours surrounding the verdicts in the trial of police officers accused of violating Rodney G. King’s civil rights.

Local TV News: For its meaningful, philosophical, in-depth reporting of the biggest story of the century--Michael Jackson.

KABC-TV: A special nod for outdoing its competitors on Jackson--turning its entire 11 p.m. newscast, except for weather and sports, over to coverage of the singer after his prime-time interview with Oprah Winfrey.

The Emmy Awards: For accomplishing the impossible--going through the entire show as if those three Amy Fisher movies were not a part of network TV last season. Angela Lansbury was a good host, but the program’s polite, end-to-end puffery was a fake image of the down-and-dirty business that the public knows too well to be fooled. And the ratings showed it.

Oprah Winfrey: Would ABC’s Peter Jennings be such a runaway pacesetter if Winfrey’s potent talk show didn’t provide a blastoff, late-afternoon lead-in for the evening news blocks on some of the network’s key stations?

Carroll O’Connor: For quietly, professionally employing ongoing interracial stories in his CBS series “In the Heat of the Night.”

Garrison Keillor and Jim Healy: No, there’s no real connection--but they’re two radio personalities I’d rather tune in than just about anybody on TV.

James Garner: I almost got crucified by admirers of “The Rockford Files” when I left it off my all-time TV schedule. Hell, I liked it too. He was also in fine form in HBO’s “Barbarians at the Gate.”

“Cafe Americain”: Barbie goes to Paris.

Robert Townsend and Paula Poundstone: A lesson in how cruel mainstream network viewers can be to stars from other show-business planets. Aren’t you glad there’s cable?

TV Honchos: How responsive would they have been if Dan Quayle had criticized violence on television?

CBS: Things are tough when you have to get behind “The Nanny.”

“Brooklyn Bridge”: Thanks for the memories ... And thanks to PBS for rerunning “I’ll Fly Away” and Bravo for repeating “Twin Peaks.”

Chevy Chase: For getting out fast. But why didn’t Fox show some creative clout when the disaster was shaping up?

Walter Cronkite: Another network loss to cable, where he’s turning out meaty documentaries. Hard to believe CBS simply let him slip away.

Richard Riordan: The new mayor looks slightly uncomfortable on TV, and that’s kind of reassuring. He looks real.

Barry Diller: For taking a little-known home shopping network, QVC, and turning it into a red-hot property that could be an 800-pound gorilla on the communications landscape and in the fledgling world of interactive TV.

Ross Perot: OK, so he lost the NAFTA debate to Vice President Gore, but somebody ought to find a TV spot for the guy to pop off regularly on government doings. He’s a television natural, even on his off days.

A Friend: When I was ill, he wrote, “Don’t expect any mercy from me. Here’s a TV trivia quiz to keep your mind in sharp focus.” Sample question: “What was the original title of ‘Dynasty’?” (Answer: “Oil.”) Another: “To what show was (producer) Fred Silverman referring when he said, ‘You can’t kill it with a stick.’ ” (Answer: “Hee Haw.”)

Susan Dey: “Love & War” isn’t any better or worse without her, and I don’t buy the rap that she supposedly isn’t so great at comedy.

Joe Montana and Marcus Allen: For proving that old guys can jump and that you can actually make the Kansas City Chiefs interesting. They’re the most exciting one-two football punch on TV.

“Seinfeld”: I know it’s got something, I know that it’s funny, but I’m still trying to really warm up to it.

“Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman”: I know it’s got something, I know that Jane Seymour is hot stuff on TV, but I wish they would take all those warm, cuddly stories a step further dramatically.

David Caruso and Kelsey Grammer: For their worthy performances--Caruso in the best new drama, “NYPD Blue,” and Grammer in the best new comedy, “Frasier.”

Sinbad: Will somebody at Fox find this guy a great property? He’s a heavyweight trapped in a bantamweight sitcom.

Court TV: Courtroom drama can’t miss, but the real-life cable channel is making us more than ever a nation of snoops with such cases as the Menendez trial. The channel is already moving up quickly in the cable ratings, competing with such fixtures as TBS, Nickelodeon and the USA Network.

Johnny Carson: Still the champ, even in semi-retirement.

Molly Dodd: Wherever you are ... Here’s looking at you, kid.