Welcome to Los Diablos: As if nerves...

Welcome to Los Diablos: As if nerves weren’t already on edge, the Weekly World News tabloid asserts that the Northridge quake “opened the gates of hell, enabling at least 17 demons to escape from a gaping crack in the Golden State Freeway.”

The newspaper said “the fanged, foul-smelling creatures . . . fanned out and have been sighted simultaneously in different sections” of the city. The News pointed out ominously that “when taken to the nearest 1/100, the earthquake measured 6.66 on the Richter scale,” referring to the number that represents the devil in the Book of Revelation.

Speaking of revelations, we have a couple of our own for the News: The quake’s magnitude has been upgraded to 6.7 by Caltech and is expected to be raised to 6.8 by experts in Golden, Colo., today.

On the other hand, we did spot a trio of foul-smelling, quite possibly fanged creatures the other night. They were fanning out along Hollywood Boulevard.

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Havana a bit of fun with us?A previous disaster in Los Diablos--excuse us, Los Angeles--prompted an exclusive by a different supermarket tabloid in 1992. The Sun’s headline screamed: “Castro Led Riots in L.A. . . . Eyewitnesses claim the crazed Cuban dictator led the looters.”

We sort of doubted that one, too. But, a few weeks later, we noticed a photo of Fidel attending the Earth Summit in Rio de Janeiro. Darned if he didn’t appear to be wearing a new pair of sneakers.

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List of the day: Billboard messages with a distinctly L.A. point of view:

* “Meetings are like relationships. Sometimes you need more space.” (L.A. Convention Center)

* “It’s hard to spot the fakes in this town” (gas logs).

* “Traffic Jam on PCH” (vacation resort, with a row of sailboats as an illustration).

* “The 405 Should Be This Smooth” (whiskey).

* “Just What L.A. Needs. More Heels” (shoe company).

* “One bottleneck you’ll look forward to” (beer company).

* “We interrupt this traffic jam to bring you an important reminder” (rival city--San Diego).

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Who says Southern California has no seasons?The Ventura Star Free Press had something for everyone the other day, although Dave Smith of Camarillo was forced to admit: “I wasn’t too sure how to dress. Shorts and earmuffs? Long johns and a tank top?”

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On the cutting edge: Bill Givens says, “It didn’t take long--the John Bobbitt movie must be out already. While riding down Montana Avenue in Santa Monica, I noticed that the marquee of the Aero Theater read ‘My Life’ with ‘A Dangerous Woman.’ ”

miscelLAny:

In its Feb. 7 issue, People magazine proudly reports that it “reached out to disaster victims by arranging for the Red Cross to distribute 3,300 copies of the magazine to five shelters in Northridge and Van Nuys.”