The news from L.A. Woebegone: “Naked Gun...

The news from L.A. Woebegone: “Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult” obviously finished filming before Jan. 17 because it contains no earthquake references.

But the latest movie about a bumbling L.A. police squad is filled with other jabs at Angeltown, which is depicted as teeming with assassins, terrorists and, perhaps most frightening of all, a roving gang of armed postal workers.

At one point, Officer Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) goes undercover as an inmate in a prison, where he observes that he is “surrounded by pimps, rapists and murderers.” He adds: “It was like being in the stands at a Los Angeles Raiders game.”

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Actually, “Naked Gun” isn’t the final insult: As part of an effort to persuade the city to grant police officers pay raises, the Police Protective League has begun an unfunny billboard campaign to scare tourists, not to mention residents.

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Now, to our asexual crimes file: Anne Berkovitz of West L.A. found this “just say no” warning in a potted plant. Surely, it’s time for the owners of dogwoods to keep them from reproducing irresponsibly.

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We really stepped in it this time: Gilbert Kemp and several other readers razzed us about a quote in our recent discussion of the Razzies, the anti-Oscars awards show. Founder John Wilson told us that actor Tom Selleck accepted his 1993 Razzie on a talk show “in the middle of a conversation about artificially inseminating a bull on Selleck’s ranch.”

Well, sure, the idea of artificially inseminating a bull seems unlikely. But we figured it was just another outrageous talk show topic.

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The wit behind the marquee: This column mentioned the recent closing of the Radisson (formerly the Hyatt) Hotel in the City of Commerce, thereby depriving bored motorists on the Santa Ana Freeway of the building’s humorous message board. That prompted a letter from writer Frank Calcagnie of Artesia, whose specialties include marquee writing.

Calcagnie, who listed Holiday Pies, Don Steves Used Car Lot, Don Steves New Car Lot and Zaby’s Motor Lodge among his credits, enclosed some of the quips he composed for the old Hyatt’s marquee. They include: “S-h-h-h Rosemary’s Baby is sleeping” (Sept. 30, 1968), “Hong Kong flu brings us back to hoarse and buggy days” (Jan. 6, 1969) and “Astronauts earn extra pay by moonlighting” (Jan. 16, 1969).

Funny stuff. But that one-liner he listed for Jan. 1, 1969--it seems as though we’ve heard it elsewhere. It was: “Happy New Year.”

miscelLAny:

Christopher Webster Real Estate in Taos, N.M., announced the hiring of Bill Jensen, a onetime surfer identified as “the role model for the character ‘Moondoggie’ in the original ‘Gidget’ movies. He even appeared on (TV’s) ‘Good Morning America’ with James Darren, who starred as Moondoggie, and Kathy Kohner, upon whom the character ‘Gidget’ was based.” You know the exodus from L.A. is serious when cultural icons such as Moondoggie are leaving.