Jones Gets Wish, Now He’s Stuck

U nconventional wisdom of the day . . .

Jerry Jones: If he wanted a football coach who likes him, he got one in Barry Switzer, who couldn’t keep his hands off Jones in their touchy-feely, I’m-OK, you’re-OK, the-Cowboys-are-in-spectacular-shape press conference. Once, I thought Jones was going to straight-away keel when a giddy Switzer startled him with a good-buddy clap on the neck and began shaking the most powerful owner in the NFL like a rag doll. The bug-eyed expression on Jones’ face spoke volumes--”Oh my Lord, what have I done?”

Barry Switzer: If Jones wanted a football coach who will drink with him, he got that in Switzer, too. Although, again, judging from that news conference (“We got a job to do . . . and we’re gon-NA DO IT!!!”), we’d have to say to Barry: All things in moderation.

Jimmy Johnson: Shed no tears for the Man of Varnish, for he’s getting exactly what he wanted out of the deal, which is out of the deal. Johnson spent most of Super Bowl week dropping hints as large as manhole covers about wanting to leave Dallas and coach in Jacksonville, or Miami, or Tampa, or Charlotte--basically, anywhere that Jones isn’t. Because the next time Johnson builds a winner from the ground up, he wants no one horning in on the credit. Johnson was never going to kiss Jones’ ring, which is all Jones demanded. Meanwhile, back in Dallas, down, Barry, down.

Troy Aikman: Expected to transfer any day now.

Michael Irvin: He’s not taking this well, and even before Switzer was hired, he was fretting about Johnson’s successor. Why, Irvin panicked, they could bring in anyone. Even (gasp) “Chuck Knox, Ground Chuck”--making it sound as if he’d just bitten into a rotten apple. Just wait until he sees the new playbook at Cowboys mini-camp. “Chapter One: The Wishbone Is Our Friend.”

Ernie Zampese: Or until he sees it. “I’m sorry, Troy, but I can’t find a passing play anywhere in this thing.”

Brian Bosworth: Great time for comeback, I’d say.

The NFL salary cap: Switzer’s biggest obstacle coming in. There never was a cap at Oklahoma.

The NFL Today: They’re dancing in New York . . . and in San Francisco . . . and in Green Bay . . . and in Buffalo. The Vince Lombardi Trophy has been liberated at last.

The Final Four: Handy, isn’t it, how they grouped the stereotypes into two neat, easy-to-label brackets? Duke-Florida here, Arizona-Arkansas there. Great coaches here, great athletes there. So goes the pre-semifinal hype: Arizona/Arkansas ought to be able to run Duke/Florida out of the building, but Krzyzewski/Kruger will probably out-coach them. Sounds nice. Too bad Grant Hill and Nolan Richardson keep gumming up the works.

Duke: That said, Duke will win its third NCAA championship under Mike Krzyzewski because of Mike Krzyzewski. (Once you get this far, go with the best coach. Exceptions do apply once per decade, allowing for Dean Smith.) The Wooden comparisons are not sacrilegious; Krzyzewski’s seven Final Fours in nine years--with fewer scholarships to give and against much better competition--are as impressive in their own way as Wooden’s 10 national championships. This time around, Krzyzewski simply has more bodies than Florida and if he can devise a way to foil Glenn Robinson on less than 48 hours’ notice, he should be able to think up something for the Runnin’ Hogs by Monday night.

Cherokee Parks: He has developed into a shot-blocking terror in this tournament, as well as a good-luck charm for Grant Hill. Hill reports that the Blue Devils are 4-0 during tournaments or regionals when he and Parks room together. When they don’t, such as this year’s ACC Tournament in Charlotte, they lose to Virginia in the semifinals. “This time in Charlotte,” Hill says, “I’m staying with Cherokee.”

Florida: The dullest team in the Final Four. But, then, with a coach with a name like Lon Kruger, this is a surprise?

Wayne Gretzky: He was positively flabbergasted when the Kings presented him with a $275,000 Rolls Royce to commemorate his record-breaking 802nd goal. So, too, were many of the visiting Mighty Ducks, who were watching a year’s salary roll out there on the ice in front of them. Then again, what else does Bruce McNall have to do with his money? Besides paying back creditors?

Paul Kariya: Why do I have this sinking feeling that a year from now, we’ll pick up the morning paper and read, “Kariya’s agent and the Ducks announced that they have suspended negotiations until further notice”?

J.T. Snow: It seems far too soon to be giving up on him, but the Angels apparently have. Three months ago, he was the anchor on Whitey Herzog’s so-hailed “Gold Glove infield.” Now, half that infield--Snow and Kevin Flora--will start the season in Triple-A, unless Snow is traded or Dwight Smith is disabled. It also seems that Snow ought to command more on the market than Anthony Young, who is now the Cubs’ problem, but when you demote the player, you do the same to his trade value.

Jeff George: His trade to the Falcons means two things for the Rams. One, Heath Shuler and Trent Dilfer cannot be had with the fifth pick in the draft, since No. 2 Indianapolis will draft one and No. 3 Washington will take the other. Two, in a division where rivals plan to start George and Jim Everett as their quarterbacks, Chris Miller now looks like the absolute picture of health.