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LAUGH LINES : Jokes

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Welcome Dave: In just seven days, the man himself will be taping his Late Show in Los Angeles for a week. Laugh Lines would like to greet David Letterman next Monday with a special Top 10 list from our readers.

Our topic: Top 10 Reasons David Letterman Should Move the Late Show to L.A.--Permanently.

Send us your best line. We’re offering special prizes for entries that make our Top 10 list.

Below are just a few ideas from comedy writer Mark Miller that might give you some hints:

* Golden opportunity to renew Dave’s past close friendship with Fabio.

* Chance to win back title: King of the Surfers.

* New state-of-the-art studios completely muffle sound of drive-by shootings.

* Four words: Beach babes in thongs.

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* Dave can buy a Map to the Stars’ Homes and soap Madonna’s windows.

* Even on sunny days here, plenty of shade readily available under Jay Leno’s chin.

Deadline: We must receive your entries no later than 9 a.m. Friday.

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In honor of Secretary’s Day, Jay Leno reports that “Sen. Bob Packwood gave his a head start.”

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Pick your punch line: Navy Secretary John H. Dalton has decided to expel 24 Midshipmen from the U.S. Naval Academy for cheating . . .

A--The good news is they’ve all been invited to a big party at Admiral Kelso’s house. --Tony Peyser

B--Worse yet, they’re barred from attending next year’s Tailhook Convention. --Bob Mills

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Management 101: On the first day of a big construction job, the tough old foreman lined up his crew and told them:

“The first thing I want you to know is that I can whip any man who works for me.”

Everyone in the crew looked down at the ground meekly, except for one husky young fellow. He stepped toward the foreman and said:

“You can’t whip me!”

The foreman looked him over carefully, nodded in agreement and said: “You’re fired!”

--Argus Hamilton

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Larry King confided to his Newspaper Assn. of America audience what First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton had whispered into his ear during lunch:

“She just said two words-- buy oats .”

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Reader Mickey Regal of Palm Springs says a story about bad spellers reminds her of her late husband:

He was a good speller and never saw a misspelled word he could leave alone. He marked corrections on posters, signs and menus. Knowing better, I could not leave his corrections alone.

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I signed each one: The Fantom.

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