His Pop Tart Lawsuit Is Toast

An imprisoned drug dealer’s $310,000 lawsuit claiming he was hurt biting into a defective Pop Tart proved fruitless when a federal judge dismissed the suit.

Christopher Lyons, 28, said a shard of glass in one of the toaster pastries injured his mouth, emotionally traumatized him, and kept him awake “for 72 hours due to nightmares in which he was dead in a coffin in prison from eating Pop Tarts.”

He sued Pop Tart maker Kellogg Co. of Battle Creek and J.M. Smucker Co., which provided filling ingredients.

In dismissing the lawsuit, U.S. District Judge Benjamin Gibson ruled Lyons failed to prove his suffering was worth at least $50,000, the minimum for a federal lawsuit. Gibson said Lyons lost no wages and incurred no medical expenses.