Maybe These Fans Shouldn’t Get Ready for Some Football

Memphis has been burned several times by the NFL’s talk about expanding into the Tennessee city, and at least one resident seems to be striking back.

When Commissioner Paul Tagliabue enthused that it would be realistic to think about putting a team in Mexico City after a Dallas-Houston exhibition game had drawn more than 100,000 to Azteca Stadium, columnist Al Dunning of the Memphis Commercial Appeal was not the least surprised.

“We wish to remind our Mexican neighbors that the gringo in charge of the NFL sometimes talks a better game than he delivers,” Dunning wrote.

“We know; we just fell for the same kind of pitch that’s beginning to mesmerize Mexicans. So if the NFL cons Mexico City the way it did us, Mexicans shouldn’t take it personally and invade El Paso.”

Trivia time: What is the NFL record for most consecutive extra points?

A laugh riot: Are these guys the next great comedy team?

When retired New York Giant linebacker Lawrence Taylor visited the New England Patriots and his former coach, Bill Parcells, they staged a news conference that was more Abbott and Costello than fourth and goal.

Asked if Taylor was going to join Parcells’ coaching staff, Taylor zinged, “I’ve seen Bill coach, so I know it’s got to be an easy job.”

Then, when Taylor was quizzed about Parcells’ weight loss, he said, “He’s looking light and doing very well. I can see he’s not spending as much time at McDonald’s. Isn’t that right, Twiggy?”

They mean it in a nice way: The Houston Oilers really miss offensive lineman Doug Dawson, who is now with the Cleveland Browns.

Just listen: “A lot of Houston-area businesses are going to be hurt without Doug promoting them by wearing their caps and T-shirts on television,” guard Kevin Donnalley said.

“Doug might have to pay for a few meals, now that he’s the enemy. He’s not going to be able to run down the street and eat the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet for free any more.”

Said center Bruce Matthews: “Mr. (owner Bud) Adams will have to find somebody else to do his gardening. Doug’s his own man, and he’s not afraid to show it. He’d kiss up to whoever he had to.”

Add Dawson: Actually, Dawson was quite popular in Houston. Matthews explains why:

“I have a lot of fond memories about Doug. The thing I remember most was the time last year when it was pouring rain. To collect a bet, Doug belly-flopped in the water on the practice field wearing only his jock.”

Trivia answer: 234, by Tommy Davis of the San Francisco 49ers.

Quotebook: Shortstop Barry Larkin of the Cincinnati Reds, on his workout routine during the strike: “I’m not even going to lift a baseball bat unless it’s to swing at any owner I see.”