TV Review : Doherty Not Bad Enough in ‘Jailbreakers’

This week brought the first “Beverly Hills, 90210” of the post-Doherty era, a sobering slap in the face. So for Shannen fans, the great white (or pale-faced) hope for the future comes in the form of tonight’s Showtime movie “Jailbreakers,” in which--yessss!--Brenda goes biker-chick.

Helming here is no less than William Friedkin, a director no stranger to alleged demoniacs. “Do you really like me?” teases restless cheerleader Angel (Doherty), badgering her leather-bound bad-boy beau, Tony Falcon (Antonio Sabato Jr.). “How much? . . . Anything? . . . I want that necklace,” she announces, gesturing toward a jewelry store window. “The pearl one.”

He gets it. Glass broken, alarms ringing, they peel out in a stolen convertible. She’s driving, and he’s performing unmentionable sexual services upon her person, when police sirens ring out behind. “I better drive,” he announces, sitting up. “Not a chance,” says Doherty, still in the throes of passion even as the cops draw closer. “Get back to work!”

We knew she had it in her.

If only “Jailbreakers” were half as much lurid fun as it sounds. In fact, it’s perfectly interminable, played neither for laughs (much) or as serious pulp, suggesting no one made much attempt to get a handle on this anachronistic material’s throttle. Friedkin, disappointingly, doesn’t evidence any feel for the sordid joys of the ‘50s juvenile-delinquent genre. He may be slumming, but he’s not in touch with his inner hood.

Nor is Doherty, though the part ought to have offered her ample chance to play off her own dangerous image. Angel’s a nice girl all too easily seduced by the wild ones, but Doherty inexplicably plays it sweet throughout, even when she’s supposed to be getting willfully sucked into lawlessness. Never mind that the actress’s feathered haircut (unchanged from her “90210” stint) distinctly evokes the late ‘80s, not the late ‘50s; she’s like a female Marty McFly.

If the ballplayers and team owners can think about supping together again, if America and Castro can exchange faxes, is it too late for peace talks between Shannen and the Spellings? Well, it doesn’t hurt to ask.

* “Jailbreakers” premieres at 10 tonight on Showtime.