Chestnuts roasting . . . or is...

Chestnuts roasting . . . or is it something alive?Nancy Reynolds and Fred Moch of Bel-Air were gone the day their landlord repaired their quake-damaged chimney. When they returned, they agreed that the fireplace’s new marble interior looked impressive. But they couldn’t find their house kitten, Francy.

Then they heard some meows from within the new chimney wall. And Moch remembered that whenever Francy got scared she would hide in a niche in the remains of the fireplace.

“We called up the workman, who lived an hour and a half away,” Moch said. “He thought we were nuts, but he came back. He heard the meows, too, so he disassembled the fireplace. We put some food out, and eventually Francy came down. All she wanted to do was eat.”

Moch estimates that the kitten was trapped for about 12 hours. “The workman had even lit the fireplace to make sure it worked,” he said. “Fortunately, he didn’t have it on that long or she could have been roasted.”

Not the kind of sight to inspire Yuletide carols.

The Mad Fisherman of Redondo Beach?After seeing the accompanying sign near a restaurant, Al Kouba of Redondo Beach thought that such a creature must be lurking in that shore-side community.

Then, again, maybe it’s just a warning about a strong drink being offered.

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Maybe Santa doesn’t understand horsepower: Yes, there he was on the corner of Pico and Sepulveda the other day, decked out in his familiar red suit and white beard, sitting in his car while a motorcycle cop wrote out a ticket.

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A parking cop who’s not a Scrooge: If you’re going to misplace your auto, maybe you should do it in Beverly Hills. After an infrequent shopping visit, Anne Martin was unable to find her parking place--a one-hour zone, of all things. Martin (no relation to the TV anchorwoman) did find a parking officer and gave her the license number, asking her please not to have the car towed.

After more searching, Martin phoned Beverly Hills police, who checked and told her the address of the elusive auto. The officer, it turns out, had phoned in the location. Talk about service. Not only that: Martin wasn’t even ticketed.

What a fine holiday gesture.

Hope this item doesn’t get the officer fired.

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Is this any way to say goodby to 1994?Marsha Smith came across an invitation from a Beverly Hills restaurant offering a “coarse” New Year’s Eve dinner. Wonder what they’re roasting?

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PR pitches we never finished: A summary of a course offered by the West L.A.-based Learning Annex begins, “What do Roseanne Arnold, Michael Jackson, Barbra Streisand and the L.A. Rams have in common?”

(They’re all moving to St. Louis?)

miscelLAny Here’s a vampire rebate, of sorts. With blood supplies running low, author Anne Rice has donated 100 autographed, hard-cover copies of “The Vampire Chronicles” to the UCLA Medical Center. They’ll be given to the first 100 people who call for an appointment at (310) 825-0888 and mention the book. You can even tell them Only in L.A. sent you. Telling them that won’t get you anything extra; it’s just that we’ve always wanted to say that.