LAUGH LINES : Enough O.J. to Quench Any Thirst

Plenty of comedy fodder from the O.J. Simpson trial:

* It was so hot in Los Angeles last week that O.J.’s lawyers were seen huddling around Marcia Clark just to get a cold stare.

* O.J. went to Cedars-Sinai for a minor procedure: Two hours of surgery to remove Robert Shapiro’s hand from O.J.’s wallet.

* Clark visited the doctor Monday. Apparently she got eye strain from rolling her eyes whenever Shapiro opened his mouth.

* When Major League Baseball resumes, Shapiro will throw out the first evidence.

* There has been a DNA match. Skin and blood under Clark’s fingernails match a sample from around Shapiro’s neck.

* The technician who matched hair samples in the Simpson case has impeccable credentials: Four years at MIT, two with Interpol and three summers as personal assistant to Sy Sperling.

* Judge Lance Ito has denied the legal team’s last eight motions. It’s starting to dawn on O.J. that he had a better defense the year Buffalo went 2-12.

* At an auction of items from the Chicago hotel room where O.J. stayed, the most unusual was an alibi. His lawyers tried desperately to buy it, but it went to a private collector in Denver.

* The state Air Resources Board has a tough new plan. It severely limits Shapiro’s use of smoke screens.

* Law schools are using the case, but classroom role-playing is tough. Everyone wants to play the part of Shapiro’s wallet.

* A cup of partially frozen ice cream may pinpoint the time of the slayings. The container also identifies a pair of new suspects: two white guys named Ben & Jerry.