‘90s FAMILY : Goal Tending : Any accomplishment goes a long way. That’s why setting goals is important. It promotes family unity and teaches kids that with planning, they can achieve what they set out to do.

At the end of every week, the parents of Andrew Mercado, 5, review his chore chart to see if he has accomplished enough to earn his $5 allowance. If he brushed his teeth, bathed, picked up his toys and maintained a good attitude, Andrew can do as he wishes with his allowance, as long as he saves part of it.

The Mercados, of Rancho Santa Margarita, have been teaching their son goal-setting principles since he was very young.

“Helping our son set age-appropriate goals enables him to see that he can accomplish whatever he wants,” says Mel Mercado, 32. “He’s always excited and very proud of himself when he puts a star on his chart next to a completed chore.”

Goal-setting, experts say, is good for families because it promotes togetherness and intimacy. It also encourages a number of desirable traits in children, such as a sense of empowerment and accomplishment, responsibility and motivation. Most important, they add, setting age-appropriate goals teaches children that with some planning, they can achieve their hearts’ desires.

“Unfortunately, it’s the rare family that actually sits down and makes plans,” says David Bresler, a Los Angeles psychologist. “Although many people automatically set goals for themselves at work, they fail to do so at home. Instead, they dream about what they want to accomplish, but those dreams rarely become a reality.”

The Mercados say goal-setting has served them well.

“There are many goals we’ve reached that I don’t think we could have without goal-setting and prioritizing,” says Kathy Mercado, also 32. “Goal-setting makes things measurable and attainable.”

One of the Mercados’ goals has been to ensure that Andrew has a high-quality education.

“We put him in Montessori school when he was 3, and I have been doing additional tutoring at home for the past year,” Kathy Mercado says. “He’s in first grade now and very advanced. If we hadn’t set those goals for him and adjusted our priorities, I don’t think he would be doing as well educationally.”

The Mercados also have set simple goals for their 18-month-old son, Austin. “We are working on getting him to interact with other children and are trying to help him develop verbal skills, which includes reading to him on a regular basis,” Kathy Mercado says.

They also have goals for the entire family, including going on at least one major monthly outing, such as a recent sledding trip.

Some experts warn about going overboard with goal-setting, however. “Children who are pushed too hard to succeed can experience burnout,” says Laguna Beach psychotherapist Ruth Luban.

“Although you want to teach your children goal-setting and good study habits, it’s also important to take time out and just have fun. Use discretion when goal-setting so that you don’t turn your kids into Type A personalities.”

Many parents have found that if they set age-appropriate goals that aren’t overwhelming, their children soon catch on and start setting goals for themselves.

*

Amanda DeFrancesco, 33, of Northridge, has a 5-year-old daughter who now regularly sets goals for herself.

“My daughter is in the first grade and has been struggling with subtraction,” DeFrancesco says. “A current goal she came up with is to be able to subtract numbers under 10 by mid-February when she returns to school. If she has made progress, she would like to get a special toy for her 6th birthday, which is in February. The fact that the goal was her idea gives her extra motivation. She is also learning that not every goal is easy to attain.”

DeFrancesco says that her daughter is a perfectionist by nature, so she makes sure to remind her that perfection isn’t necessary. But DeFrancesco has found that accomplishing goals has helped her daughter, because it boosts her self-confidence.

“There is nothing like the self-satisfaction of setting a goal and achieving it,” she says. “It shows my daughter that she can control her destiny and do what she wants to do.”

DeFrancesco’s daughter has also learned that priorities sometimes change and goals have to be postponed. The family long ago had planned a ski trip for this winter, but had to cancel their plans when they lost their home in the Northridge earthquake a year ago. Despite having earthquake insurance, they found it necessary to save money for a new home.

“Although losing our home was very painful, our daughter learned that everyone has bad times, but if you pull together as a family and set goals, things can work out,” DeFrancesco says.

*

As long as you start with realistic goals, it’s never too early to begin, says psychologist Bresler, who has taught the goal-setting concept to his six children. “The earlier you teach kids to set goals, the sooner they’ll have a sense of purpose and the happier and more successful they’ll be.”

Goal-setting is important for your family, no matter how young your children are, agrees Don Coppersmith Jr., 31, who has a 5-month-old son. He and his wife, Rhonda, 29, who live in Anaheim Hills, are presently focusing on creating a savings fund for their son’s education and spending more time as a family.

Every January, Coppersmith and his wife sit down and enter goals in a special notebook. Throughout the year they revise and add to these goals. The Coppersmiths have found that they accomplish a majority of what they write down.

“I don’t think we would have gotten our ideal home at a good price without planning,” he says. “When we were saving, we put ideal pictures of our house on the bathroom mirror. This kept us motivated and reminded us why we were working so hard.”

Coppersmith also doesn’t think they would have been able to switch to a one-income household without goal-setting. After some belt-tightening, Coppersmith’s wife was able to stay home with their son.