One place where he wouldn’t be noticed:...

One place where he wouldn’t be noticed: “L.A. Stories,” a media guide put out by the mayor’s office, has a “People to See” section that includes “Professor Arnold Springer: Venice activist and agitator, wears dresses, frequently seen on Venice Boardwalk.”

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Didn’t he play some ball, too?A Reuters story Friday referred to the world’s most famous murder defendant this way: “Simpson, who gained fame as a sportscaster, movie actor and TV pitchman. . . .”

Of course, Reuters is based in England, which doesn’t care anything about American football.

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The DMV should get a ticket for going the wrong way: Michele Kammerer took one look at the reversed street sign that accompanied question No. 17 on her DMV test and concluded the correct answer would be, “You’re driving in Japan or England.”

Hey, Reuters wouldn’t be confused.

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List of the Day: With so much spare time while stalled in traffic, we like to jot down billboards that seem tailored to L.A. A sampler:

* “It’s hard to spot the fakes in this town.” (ad for gas logs)

* “You Are Here (Why?)” (ski resort)

* “Australian Board Meeting” (row of surfboards, Australian Tourist Office)

* “Do a Kahlua Mudslide” (liquor company)

* “We all arrived in Los Angeles as transplants. How about leaving as one?” (organ donor campaign)

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But the beat went on, anyway: Doug Hays of Glendale read a reference to Sonny Bono--excuse us, Rep. Sonny Bono (R-Palm Springs)--that said his “appointment to the Judiciary Committee was a real coup considering the fact that he isn’t even an attorney.”

Adds Hays: “Isn’t even an attorney! He isn’t even a high school graduate.”

That’s true. Sonny wasn’t there to get his diploma in 1952. And we think it’s high time for Inglewood High to confer an honorary degree upon him.

Fleurs de flares: Robert MacTavish saw a driver who had pulled over to the side of the San Diego Freeway with a flat tire and who had no flares. He “carefully arranged several potted plants behind his van to alert oncoming drivers,” MacTavish said. On the 405, we wouldn’t settle for anything less flashy than flame trees.

miscelLAny The Southland’s biggest blind date will be Feb. 10 on the Queen Mary. Intrepid souls who wish to participate must fill out a questionnaire in the Grunion Gazette of Long Beach and mail it to the newspaper, along with a check for a minimum donation of $15 to the American Heart Assn. Every attendee will be matched by number with another on shipboard. The annual event usually draws more than 2,000 singles. (At least, we assume they’re all singles.)