One Bad Bounce Deserves Others

I went to a Laker game and a Clipper game broke out. The score was 64-34, Seattle, at the half, then 90-59 after three quarters. The Forum’s fans spent the whole night booing, and if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, the name of Seattle’s starting center was Ervin Johnson.

Meantime, elsewhere in the arena, the agent for the original, authentic, accept-no-substitute Earvin Johnson was disclosing that Magic wants to play basketball in the 1996 Olympics, to which my only question was: “Why not in the 1995 NBA playoffs?”

Magic Johnson should have pulled a Michael Jordan and returned to his old team. For one thing, the Lakers cannot win the ’95 championship without him. (I’m sorry, but they can’t.) For another, wouldn’t it be funny to hear some of those Utah Jazz and Phoenix Suns crying and whining again about Magic not belonging in basketball?

Never forget the playoff motto of both Utah and Phoenix:

“Losin’ time!”

Unfortunately for the Lakers, Magic will not re-materialize. They will go with what they have. The team welcomed Cedric Ceballos and Eddie Jones back, put Kurt Rambis on the inactive list even though his hustle had rubbed off on everybody, thanked Sweetpea Daniels for his contribution and wished him luck playing for money in Europe or for Fresno State or wherever, then went back to work.

Seattle was in town. The Lakers spent the entire winter beating on the SuperSonics the way Moe beat on Shemp. Del Harris expected the Lakers to be ready. The coach said he had never seen a Laker crowd so ready. Then his players ran out and played as though they couldn’t tell a basketball from a hockey puck.

“We just got killed,” a subdued Nick Van Exel said in the dressing room later. “We better get our playoff faces on.”

Sixteen teams qualify for the NBA playoffs. The way I figure it, no fewer than 10 could win the championship. And I do not include the Lakers among those, although they did play inspired ball for Harris for several months. Too bad they’re one big man short.

Which team will win? In my opinion, New York and Phoenix won’t, Charlotte and Houston can’t, Seattle and San Antonio can, Utah just might, but Orlando will. (Yes, Orlando.) I also wouldn’t put anything past Chicago and believe that you can put something past Indiana.

I see the NBA finals as a Godzilla vs. Mothra kind of thing, with Shaquille O’Neal slamming nightly against either David Robinson or Shawn Kemp. No child under 13 should watch without a parent.

Seattle probably won’t get there because George Karl will get out-coached along the way. But neither Orlando nor San Antonio will be out-coached because both teams are coached by the same man--somebody Hill.

As for the Lakers, well, good job all season, guys. If you’ve got anything left, we’d be happy to see it.

“John Lucas said something interesting,” said Harris, quoting a coach from Philadelphia who has had a lot of time to think up interesting things to say while his team loses games.

“He said, ‘Nothing stops momentum like the end of the season.’ And that’s the truth. But if everyone’s going to lose faith in the teams that are losing games right now, I guess Boston’s going to be the champion. Because Boston is about the only one winning games right now.”

Del’s being funny. Boston is 35-45.

The only thing a Boston Celtic could beat a Chicago Bull or a San Antonio Spur in is a Name Five Celtics contest.

Famous faces haven’t exactly filled the Forum this season, either. This includes everyone’s new favorite player, Pig Miller. The Lakers don’t have household names. They have barnyard names.

Nevertheless, a full house turned out for the Seattle game, among them Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maria Shriver and some guy with “OINK” painted on his forehead. They saw a lousy game. Even Pig Miller, the last action hero, couldn’t stop the slop.

When the score hit 44-21, Stu Lantz told his radio audience: “If this is a preview of the playoffs, they’re going to be short.”

Harris was more perplexed than put out.

“That was a playoff job they did on us,” the Laker coach said of the SuperSonics. “Ours was an exhibition job. A preseason job.”

How bad were the Lakers?

Oink.

But the playoffs are beginning, so there’s always hope. All you can be sure of is that the Lakers will win another championship before Utah or Phoenix wins one.