When It Comes to World Series--Money Matters

Baseball prognostications for a post-apocalypse, post-Selig, post-Borbon, post-162-game-schedule world:

TEAMS TO WATCH

Atlanta Braves, Toronto Blue Jays, New York Yankees, Cleveland Indians.

After that, turn the channel. Only four teams can win the World Series this year, because only four teams are willing to pay for it. Everybody else is devoting the 1995 season to dumping contracts, slashing payrolls and selling off its highest priced talent to . . . the Atlanta Braves, Toronto Blue Jays, New York Yankees and Cleveland Indians.

Atlanta will win the National League pennant because it was neighborly enough to free Montreal from the yoke of Marquis Grissom’s oppressive salary.

Toronto will win the American League pennant because it helped out an old friend in a pinch and provided room and board for Kansas City’s 1994 Cy Young Award winner, David Cone.

The Yankees will push the Blue Jays all the way to the final week because George Steinbrenner’s youth hostel, “The Arms And More Arms,” had room in the inn for Chicago White Sox 1993 Cy Young Award winner Jack McDowell and Montreal relief ace John Wetteland.

Cleveland will win the AL Central title it should have had last year because it has made a hobby of collecting former all-star pitchers of the National League (Orel Hershiser, Dennis Martinez, Bud Black) and future Hall of Famers to platoon at DH (Eddie Murray, Dave Winfield).

Everyone else, thanks for giving until it hurt.

TEAMS THAT HAVE TAKEN A VOW OF POVERTY AND DETERMINED THEY EXIST ONLY TO SERVE THE NEEDS OF OTHERS

Montreal Expos, Kansas City Royals, Pittsburgh Pirates, San Diego Padres.

Bill Mazeroski’s “Baseball ‘95” preseason magazine, which recently hit the newsstands and is now all but wholly obsolete, rates Montreal as the most talented team in the National League. But that was before the replacement players were sent home, the real players summoned to camp and the Expos’ best players--Grissom, Wetteland, Larry Walker and Ken Hill--re-assigned to Atlanta, New York, Colorado and St. Louis.

In Kansas City, artificial turf is out, the outfield fences have been moved in and a brain trust worthy of the title--field manager Bob Boone, assisted by bench coach Gene Mauch--has been assembled in the dugout. Yes, this was going to be the Royals’ year . . . until the strike ended and the Royals had a payroll again to meet. Hence: David Cone, Toronto Blue Jay; Brian McRae, Chicago Cub; Mike Macfarlane, Boston Red Sock.

The founders of the great roster-gutting movement of the mid-1990s were, of course, the Pittsburgh Pirates and the San Diego Padres. The Padres have new ownership, but scourge of the Tom Werner years lives on at catcher (Brad Ausmus?), first base (Eddie Williams?), shortstop (Luis Lopez?) and a starting rotation anchored by Joey Hamilton. Meanwhile, all has been quiet of late in Pittsbur . . . “We interrupt this sentence for a late-breaking news bulletin--ex-Pirate all-star center fielder Andy Van Slyke has just joined the Baltimore Orioles.”

TEAMS TO ROOT FOR (ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE EASIER IF THEY HAD MORE PITCHING)

Baltimore Orioles, Detroit Tigers, Colorado Rockies, Boston Red Sox.

Baseball Man of the Year? The co-winners are Baltimore Orioles President Peter Angelos and Detroit Tigers Manager Sparky Anderson, who saw the replacement sham for what it was and refused to have a thing to do with it. Who says there are no heroes anymore?

Colorado owner Jerry McMorris also won points during the strike--amid an oily sea of union-bashing hawks, McMorris was a voice of moderation and reason--and after it, signing off on the acquisitions of Larry Walker and Bill Swift and giving Rockies fans a reason to come back to the ballpark.

Team improvement was also more than a passing concern in Boston, where the Red Sox have added Mike Macfarlane, Erik Hanson, Rheal Cormier and Jose Canseco, one player who actually walked a picket line this spring--the umpires’.

TEAMS THAT OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES

Los Angeles Dodgers, San Francisco Giants, Chicago White Sox, Milwaukee Brewers and Cincinnati Reds.

The Dodgers and Giants? For being cynical enough to believe the weakling NL West can be had with only a minimal investment and thus failed to re-sign Brett Butler, Orel Hershiser, John Burkett, Bill Swift and Bud Black.

The White Sox? For pushing McDowell--and a potential pennant--away from the table, dumping McDowell’s salary on the Yankees and swapping him, in effect, for Jim Abbott.

The Brewers and Reds? For general principles. Also known as Bud Selig and Marge Schott.

TEAMS THAT ARE NEITHER FISH NOR FOWL

Houston Astros, Chicago Cubs, Philadelphia Phillies, New York Mets, Minnesota Twins.

They should get in 144 games this summer. Barring rainouts and work stoppages.

TEAMS THAT ARE EITHER FISH OR FOWL

Florida Marlins, St. Louis Cardinals.

TEAMS THAT FAILED TO GRADUATE FROM THE AMERICAN LEAGUE WEST

California Angels, Oakland A’s, Seattle Mariners, Texas Rangers.

They are back--and where is replacement baseball when you really need it?

Key players:

Angels--Tony Phillips. He is the lone Angel to have stolen more than four bases in 1994.

A’s--Steve Ontiveros. The new ace of the pitching staff.

Mariners--Randy Johnson. Management has sworn it will not trade him, which means he’ll be in Boston by June.

Rangers--Benji Gil. Batted .248 at Oklahoma City last year, was named after a dog, will be the Rangers’ starting shortstop in 1995.

Last season, these teams won 199 games and lost 256--a winning percentage of .437.

This season, one of these teams will be in the American League playoffs.

Play ball!