Time for L.A. to Give as Good as It Gets

Do we deserve a new stadium? If so, why? Why is professional football promising a new NFL team, a new stadium and at least two Super Bowls to a place where football teams do not sell out their games?

I will tell you why. Because Los Angeles (and its environs) is the second-largest metropolitan area in America. Because Los Angeles is supposed to be able to support two pro teams in every sport. Because Los Angeles is supposed to deserve everything it gets.

Los Angeles, the biggest bloodsucker in professional sport. Los Angeles, which took Oakland’s football team, Brooklyn’s baseball team, Minneapolis’ basketball team, San Diego’s basketball team and Cleveland’s football team. Los Angeles, which is “entitled” to a team now that one has left.

Well, OK. Good. Happy days are here again. This is my town now, and I am proud of it. Let’s have our new stadium. Let’s have our new team. Let’s hold Super Bowls XXXV and XXXVIII here. The NFL is making us promises. It is being very kind. It is being very sporting. The NFL is treating us better than we have a right to be treated.

It is time we make some promises of our own.

We don’t fill half the L.A. Coliseum for football. We didn’t fill two-thirds of Anaheim Stadium for football. Other cities sell out. Cleveland sells out and wants to keep the team it has. Oakland and Baltimore sold out, and want their teams to come back. You don’t want them to take ours. But you are willing to take theirs.

We claim that we will come see a better team, but there is no guarantee that our new team will be a better team. The Raiders have been a pretty good team. So where is everybody? Why is Oakland circling out there like a vulture over a carcass?

We claim that we will fill a nicer stadium, but Anaheim isn’t such a bad stadium. Is it the quality of the play or the stage that concerns us most? St. Louis failed to support a poor team, then lost the Cardinals as a result. That is why St. Louis went hog-wild in its pursuit of the Rams. That is why they vowed to support the Rams, good team or bad.

We must support our teams. It is the corniest line I have ever written. I apologize for writing it. But we can’t send 40,000 fans to football games and expect the NFL to indulge us.

The Rams left because nobody came. That is the simple truth of it. By the end, Georgia Frontiere’s nose was so far out of joint that she made rash statements, including that Anaheim wouldn’t have supported any team, good or bad. Yeah, sure. That’s why the Mighty Ducks are SRO.

The Raiders need a home. Were I running the Coliseum, I might tell them to take a hike. Be spiteful. Leave them orphaned. But I suspect this won’t happen, because the Coliseum is running out of options.

The Coliseum is a hop, skip and a jump away from becoming the Ruins. It’s about as obsolete as a drive-in movie theater. The joint made something like $80 million in repairs, then sat there while the NFL approved two new teams for another stadium, 15 miles away.

NFL to Coliseum: Drop dead.

So now we sit here with our 100,000-seat fixer-upper, waiting for a new arena. Any day now, some news outlet in Northern California will report its semi-monthly “Raiders Returning to Oakland” exclusive. Forget it. The only thing returning to Oakland is Dave Stewart.

Let’s build our new stadium and build it right. A “proper” stadium, as a British officer might say while erecting a bridge over the Kwai. Build a place where people can bring their families, with bright lighting, ample parking and tons of security out by the Harley-Davidsons.

And women’s washrooms. Lots and lots of women’s washrooms. More for women than for men. Washrooms where women won’t have to get in line before halftime so they won’t miss the fourth quarter.

And let’s give it some character. Tell the architect we want something original, something that says “L.A.,” something that tourism brochures and Hollywood movies can shoot that gives our city a landmark.

Give it green grass and clean seats, wide enough to accommodate someone larger than Kate Moss and more leg room than your average commercial jet.

Give it a fine name, maybe City of Angels Stadium, not some permanent tribute to a politician or celebrity.

Give us these things and we will show you our appreciation, best way we know how.

If you build it . . . well, you know.