Unlike Rams, Davis Can’t Be Overruled

The human species isn’t evolving; we’re merely trespassing on Al Davis’ planet . . .

* For the privilege (?) of moving from Orange County to St. Louis, the Rams had to give the NFL a year’s notice, pay $29 million in relocation fees and agree to share their personal-seat-license lucre with the league. The Raiders, hellbent on returning to Oakland after 13 years in L.A., pulled up stakes without a moment’s notice and spat in the general direction of the league office, snarling, “Go ahead, bill us, fine us, invoice us. Make our day.”

* So the NFL (which, as you know, stands for Not For the Lion-hearted) votes to approve the Raiders’ move, 23-0, without charging Al Davis a dime in relocation money, and is expected to cave in on the PSL issue at any second. This is a league that either (a) makes up the rules as it goes along; (b) sees nothing wrong with a gross double standard, so long as it’s convenient and expedient; or (c) fears owners wearing black leather a great deal more than owners wearing floral print dresses.

* Or, probably, all of the above.

* Of course, the NFL explains away the waiving of the Raiders’ relocation fee with a wobbly “Well, they really aren’t relocating, they’re just going home” rationale. “I never thought of them as anything but the Oakland Raiders,” Wellington Mara, ancient owner of the New York Giants, testified. And there it is. Done deal. Wellington Mara has a dodgy memory, can’t remember if it’s the Oakland or the L.A. Raiders, so, Al Davis, come on up, free of charge. Next: Wellington Mara forgets the San Francisco 49ers are a sanctioned NFL franchise and the San Diego Chargers are declared 1994 world champions.

* John Shaw should have argued that the Rams aren’t relocating in St. Louis, they’re merely stopping over on the way back home to Cleveland.

* Whatever happened to territorial infringement? The Rams paid $29 million to move and who are they impacting? The St. Louis Billikens? The Raiders are sidling up next to the 49ers, ready to lob Molotov cocktails over the bridge, and the 49ers get nothing. Maybe the league thinks the 49ers have enough already. Maybe the league wants to book Davis and 49er president Carmen Policy in a cage wrestling match as halftime entertainment for next week’s Hall of Fame game.

* Policy walked out before Friday’s vote could be taken, so the 49ers joined the Rams among the seven teams abstaining. Davis also abstained, claiming the Raiders had the votes they needed and didn’t want to pour it on. What a guy, that Al. Gentleman Al, that’s what Pete Rozelle always used to call him.

* Friday wasn’t a total wash for the 49ers. The San Francisco Giants announced they had traded for outfielder Deion Sanders, meaning that free-agent cornerback Deion Sanders will be spending at least six months out of the year in the Bay Area, so why not make it 12? “Welcome home, Deion!” 49ers Coach George Seifert bubbled when he heard the news. And why not? July 21, 1995, might be remembered as the day the 49ers won the 1996 Super Bowl.

* Meanwhile, in Rams camp, Jerome Bettis remains a holdout. So not every Ram has moved to St. Louis.

* Bettis, a smart kid, watched how Shaw played Anaheim off Baltimore, Baltimore off St. Louis and St. Louis off Anaheim before cashing out for millions. This could take some time.

* Instead of owning part of the Lakers, suppose Magic Johnson owned the Raiders. Oh, the press conferences. June 1995: “We’re going.” July: “We’re staying.” August: “We’re going again.” September: “We’re staying. For good.” October: “On second thought . . .”

* Although he could change his mind by the time you finish this sentence, Magic says he wants to play for the 1996 Olympic team. Teammates would include Hakeem Olajuwon, Shaquille O’Neal, Reggie Miller, John Stockton . . . and Karl Malone. Malone never opposed the idea of playing alongside a known HIV carrier--he and Magic were teammates in Barcelona--he only opposes the idea of opposing one. Do we now have that straight?

* Dennis Rodman, who probably won’t represent the United States in the Olympics or any other international arena during the next few decades, thinks he’d make a great villain in the next Batman movie. Because, first off, he already has the costume.

* The New York Knicks have announced they will charge $1,000 a ticket for court-side seats next season. Who’s more outraged--Spike Lee or the Mighty Ducks, who didn’t think of it first?

* Joel Otto, a hard-checking, seasoned, defensive-minded free-agent center who has actually held the Stanley Cup, leaves Calgary after 11 seasons to sign with Philadelphia. What in the world are the Ducks doing with all that money?

* Oh, right. Counting it.

* What could I have been thinking?

* Dave King has taken his name out of the L.A. Kings’ coaching derby, sparing us countless too-cute headlines and sparing King countless two-Advil headaches, no doubt. King’s M.O. was to get underskilled teams to play over their heads during the regular season, then lose in the first round of the playoffs. Why take this job and press his luck?

* Dan Quinn, the third-leading scorer on the Kings last season, signs a free-agent contract to play for Ottawa. Dan Quinn? Third-leading scorer? Ottawa? Did Dave King need to know anything more?

* This result just in from the Men’s Junior World Basketball Championships: Argentina 67, USA 58. No big deal there. We’re a soccer country.

* As penance for flipping off the home crowd at Yankee Stadium after a recent shelling, Jack McDowell has been ordered to buy fans tickets to an upcoming Yankees game. As if these people haven’t endured enough abuse.