If He Only Had Chain Saw Back in ’87

Craig Stadler got his revenge Monday.

With a few swipes of a chain saw, the Walrus helped cut down the infamous tree at Torrey Pines Golf Course in San Diego that contributed to his disqualification from the Andy Williams Open in 1987.

The freak occurrence took place during the third round, when Stadler hit a tee shot on the 14th hole on the South course and the ball nestled next to a large Leyland Cypress tree. With a low branch impeding a regular swing, Stadler decided to hit the ensuing shot from his knees and used a towel to protect his pants from the wet grass.

When that was shown on the highlights, viewers flooded the press room with phone calls saying Stadler had violated a rule by “building a stance.” He was subsequently disqualified for not assessing the two-stroke penalty.

So when Tom Wilson, a member of the tournament organizing committee, heard the tree was dying from a fungus, he asked Stadler to do the honors. Stadler, who won the Buick Invitational on the Torrey Pines course in 1994, agreed.

“It’s been eight years,” he said. “It’s time to put it to rest.”

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Trivia time: What NBA player is wearing the uniform number previously retired in honor of the former team owner? Hint: He’s in the Western Conference.

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Miami vice, indeed: Linebacker Bryan Cox of the Miami Dolphins has been called many things by opponents he has taunted. Now, the organizers of a national slow-pitch softball tournament have added the word ringer .

A police softball team from East St. Louis, Ill., has been banned from a national tournament because of the use of non-policemen, tournament officials say. The East St. Louis Magnums are accused of using phony police ID cards signed by a local police chief to sneak civilian ballplayers onto the team during the police-only softball tournament at Dayton, Ohio.

Tournament officials say one of the impostors was Cox, though his connection with the Magnums is not known.

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Granddaddy of ‘em all: No, that was not a mistake when Britain’s Linford Christie, the 1992 Olympic champion in the 100 meters, was described as a grandfather after finishing sixth in the event Sunday at the World Championships in Sweden.

Christie is 35 years old. His 16-year-old son became a father last week.

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Et tu, Mike? From Phil Jackman of the Baltimore Sun:

“Mike Schmidt didn’t even check out of his hotel room in Cooperstown, N.Y., following his induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame when he was on a shoppers network peddling his signed [and dated] baseballs for $82 apiece.”

This would, of course, be the same Mike Schmidt whose acceptance speech included commentary on how greed is ruining the game.

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Checks and balances: In 1992, Kenny Henderson turned down $650,000 from the Milwaukee Brewers as their first draft pick.

Two years later, he declined a $350,000 payout from the Montreal Expos as their second selection.

A year after that, last month to be exact, Henderson signed with the San Diego Padres for $55,000, and he never even got his college degree.

Said Peter Gammons of the Boston Globe: “Sounds like the perfect guy to manage Jack Clark’s finances.”

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Trivia answer: Rod Strickland of the Portland Trail Blazers. Larry Weinberg gave permission for Strickland to use uniform No. 1 after the point guard signed as a free agent.

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Quotebook: Ted Turner, media mogul and owner of the Atlanta Braves and Atlanta Hawks: “If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect.”