Writers Much Prefer Tragedy to Fairy Tales

The Cleveland Indians are the runaway leaders in the American League Central, and Cleveland sportswriters, accustomed to the team’s losing seasons, can’t seem to cope.

“I don’t know how to write winning stories,” Sheldon Ocker of the Akron Beacon Journal told Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe. “I just don’t think along those lines. In the old days, I could come to the park and look for something wrong.

“Somebody would be hurt or there would be something bad. Now I come here and write about how they just hit 14 home runs in three games.”

Add Indians: Paul Hoynes of the Cleveland Plain Dealer is also suffering from occasional writer’s block.

“All this winning just goes against your nature,” he said. “It was a little more fun for me when they’d lose 100. They weren’t as talented, but in a way, it was easier to deal with.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the Dodger record for the longest hitting streak?

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Expansion partners: Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune: “Anyone who can tell the difference between the Jacksonville Jaguars and Carolina Panthers saves lint.”

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Soul mates: Jay Leno, commenting that politicians have a lot in common with baseball players: “They are rude to people who pay their salaries, they both work only two hours a day, and at least once in their career they are both going to get caught stealing.”

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Passing the buck: Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News: “You want some U.S. values? The TV Expert On All Matters, Sam Donaldson, gets $25,000 to make a speech, while Joe Montana, the retired quarterback who puts interviewers to sleep, gets three times as much.”

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Hard times: Cecil Fielder, Detroit Tiger first baseman, is about to move into a $3.9-million, 18,911-square-foot house with a 4,500-square-foot adjoining structure, 10-foot movie screen, indoor waterfall, 9,000 bottle wine cellar, tennis court, swimming pool and six-car garage.

Gene Collier of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette writes: “Hey, the strike was tough on everybody.”

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Heavy stuff: From the Good Doctor in Inside Sports: Q: Japanese pitcher Hideo Nomo joined the Los Angeles Dodgers this year. What did the Dodgers have to give Japan in return?

A: They had to loan Tommy Lasorda for the 1996 sumo finals.

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Yuk: Actress Heather Locklear, asked by Esquire what smells great on a man: “Basketball. After a game, it’s great if they don’t shower. Sweat from head to toe is yummy.”

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Everyman: Nick Canepa in the San Diego Union Tribune: “Deion Sanders has become America’s Player. He should be loaned out to a different team every few weeks.”

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FYI: The San Francisco 49ers will travel an NFL-leading 45,450 air miles this season compared to only 8,396 for the Chicago Bears.

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Trivia answer: Willie Davis hit in 31 consecutive games in 1969.

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Quotebook: More from Leno: “Scientists say this week they are very close to genetically engineering a tougher, stronger vegetable. Looks like we might have found a new opponent for Mike Tyson.”