Cybare spaceThe newsletter of the Elysium Institute,...

Cybare space

The newsletter of the Elysium Institute, a nudist colony in Topanga, has reported on such matters as a nudist blood drive, a nudist pen-pal club (“no swingers or incarcerated, please”), a psychic nudist and a nudist’s island for sale in Fiji.

But, except perhaps in matters of clothing styles, the Journal of the Senses newsletter does not ignore the outside world. The theme of its latest issue, for instance, is “Nudism on the Internet.”

NOW FOR A LITTLE NUDIST HUMOR: Elysium’s next nude blood drive will be Sept. 2, a spokesman informs us, adding that while “almost all donors will be nude . . . the Red Cross doctors and nurses who actually collect the blood will be wearing their usual whites. The nude donors have been instructed that they do not have to roll up their sleeves.”

LIST OF THE DAY: A T-shirt bearing the heading “Tips for Artists Who Want to Sell” is itself on sale at the Museum of Contemporary Art on Bunker Hill.

The shirt, which is devoid of illustrations, carries this text beneath the heading:

“Generally speaking, paintings with light colors sell more quickly than paintings with dark colors.

“Subjects that sell well: Madonna and child, landscapes, flower paintings, still lifes (free of morbid props--dead birds, etc.), nudes, marine pictures, abstracts and surrealism. “Subject matter is important: It has been said that paintings with cows and hens in them collect dust--while the same paintings with bulls and roosters sell.”

A real work of art.

HEY, LEAVE THE JOKES TO US!As we’ve said in the past, we’re jealous of the local telephone directories, whose sharp comedy writers are capable of eliciting big laughs. For instance, the Pacific Bell Yellow Pages for Culver City and Marina del Rey has a surprise entry in the “cruises” section, spotted by Diane Mooney of L.A. (see excerpt).

Gives new meaning to the phrase, “Have a safe trip.”

GETTING AWAY FROM IT ALL, ALMOST: In its “Crimewatch” section, the Inyo (County) Register listed one “unfounded” call of alarm placed by “folks from L.A. [who] got a little nervous when a ‘grungy’-looking couple walked into their campground with a rifle.” Turned out the grungies’ car had merely broken down. Well, lots of folks from L.A. are a little nervous these days.

SUNSET STRIP: A wave of laughter interrupted the recent sale of Bruce McNall sports memorabilia at Butterfield & Butterfield’s auction house in Hollywood. And it wasn’t over the suggested prices.

Rather, it was over two seductively dressed young women who walked in off Sunset Boulevard and sauntered down an aisle. The auctioneer was forced to tell one bidder on the telephone that he couldn’t hear him over the noise. A spectator wisecracked that perhaps two additional items were “up for bid.”

The two women were later seen loitering on the boulevard, having elected not to purchase any baseball cards.

miscelLAny Sports Illustrated says that a Malibu-based company has introduced the Sports DNA Pen, described as “a writing implement that uses ink containing genetic material taken from a lock of a sports figure’s hair.” The purpose? To thwart autograph counterfeiters. The magazine labeled the news, “This Week’s Sign That the Apocalypse Is Upon Us.”