COMMENTARY : Graf’s Pain Shadows Seles’ Comeback

Steffi Graf doesn’t bother putting on a mask. She doesn’t waste time with a jock facade, trying to make you think she is invulnerable and all is well. Because all isn’t well. Her father is under house arrest in Germany for tax evasion, millions and millions of dollars worth. Her aching back won’t even let her jog or lift weights to stay in shape. Her grandmother is very ill. Obsessive people, including German reporters, are camped outside her Manhattan apartment. And her primary rival has returned -- after an absence caused by a deranged fan of Graf’s -- like the great goddess who saved tennis.

You don’t watch a Graf match to see if she’ll win; you watch wondering whether she’ll have an emotional breakdown right there on the court. It would take every skycap at LaGuardia to cart her emotional baggage around. Monica Seles, she of the spare tire around the middle, joked last week that she’d like to be as thin as Graf. Not this thin. Graf looked drawn and worried from the time she lost the opening game of Tuesday’s match at love on a double-fault, right through a lost first set and a stirring comeback that only a champion could mount.

When someone asked afterward whether her current emotional state is affecting her tennis, Graf wasted no time in answering, “Yes, it is. Obviously, at certain times I have difficulty concentrating out there... I haven’t really played a lot (lately) and I definitely lack confidence.”

Through much of Tuesday’s first set, against the same Amanda Coetzer who eliminated her two weeks ago in the first round of the Canadian Open, Graf looked absolutely frightful. Twice, she lost her serve at love and the tiebreaker was 6-0 before Graf managed her only point. “I feel she definitely gives you a chance now to get into the games,” Coetzer said.

Though she eventually lost the set, the tiebreaker actually helped Graf regain some composure and confidence before the second set began. Coetzer then noticed how, “She lifted her game up just a little bit higher.”

And she kept it there for the second and third sets, save for a late Coetzer flurry. If Seles’ return is critical to tennis, Graf staying in tennis would be equally important. It is extremely symbolic that the two share the No. 1 ranking at the moment. They are Borg and McEnroe, Chris and Martina. You know we all want to see Graf and Seles in the U.S. Open final. The presence of both makes each shine more brightly.

In some ways, this tournament is a bigger deal for Graf than for Seles. If Seles loses, so what? First grand slam back, she was a little rusty. She already proved her point two weeks ago in Canada. If Graf loses (particularly early), the talk of her demise gains credibility, and perhaps she moves closer and closer to retiring at 26. You wonder how many times she can see her way through the muck to prepare for tournaments if no rewards are forthcoming. Already the questions come: What are her plans are for the rest of the season? Will she bother to play another tournament, given the number of modern-day athletes who routinely retreat from this kind of stress and physical pain?

“Obviously with my back, I don’t last very long on the practice court,” she said, “and I used to be able to do a lot of off-court activities, like jogging or, during the last few years quite a bit of weights and things like that. I haven’t really been able to do that. I am used to doing a lot of workouts and I haven’t been able to do that.”

For the back, there are massages -- “manual therapy” Graf calls them. But there’s no such help for the spirit. You can’t massage your father out of house arrest or rub the people away from the front door of your apartment. Graf even has her own scars from that idiot who, out of a self-professed loyalty to Graf, stabbed Seles 28 months ago. When she said, “It’s taken me a lot of energy to get ready for this tournament,” I got the distinct feeling she meant emotional, not physical.

“It is not a joy,” she said, “to go out and you have people in front of your house. I am trying not to really let it affect me. I am doing what I want to do and, you know, I am obviously realizing that people are around my apartment.” When someone asked about a report in New York this week that she was being stalked by a woman, Graf answered like someone who had grown accustomed to being stalked. “I had no knowledge of that,” she said. “All the people that I (knew about) were men. No women.” Realizing the absurdity of it, an uneasy smile crossed her face.

The best thing about winning is that tennis, at least for a few days, fends off real life. She makes more unforced errors in a match now than she used to in an entire tournament. Coetzer is an improving player who couldn’t have put a glove on Graf three years ago. In fact, Coetzer had never won a set from Graf until two weeks ago in Canada. Now, everybody’s a potential struggle. She used to be the most talented player on the tour and probably the fittest. Now her biggest asset is a champion’s resolve. But at this point, the tennis court is still a sanctuary, the place were she feels comfortable even in defeat, even with confidence waning.

”. . . This is what I really want to do and this is where, you know, I can get away from a lot of things,” she said.

The thing is, Steffi Graf doesn’t deserve to be on the run like this. She hasn’t harmed anybody, ever. She didn’t bring any of this on herself. She hasn’t polluted herself with drugs or assaulted anybody. Hopefully, there’s enough compassion out there to to extend to Seles and Graf, whose pain may be less tragic, but no less profound, no less real.