A Return to Ever-Bountiful Junk Mail Hell

Lois E. Chaney of Bakersfield writes:

John Nelson is my soul mate! ADVO sent me a letter two weeks ago promising to cease and desist November 7. We’ll see.

But ADVO represents only a minor portion of the problem. Last March when my husband strained his back hauling out the trash, half composed of junk mail, I decided to do something about it. This took persistence and time, about 15 minutes a day in the beginning. But it’s six months later and we just celebrated our first day with NOTHING in the mail box. . . .

Here’s to the hope that Mr. Chaney’s back is better. And here’s to the hope he doesn’t become upset with his wife’s professed affection for John Nelson. (I’m almost positive they’ve never met.)

Readers may recall that John Nelson of Northridge, 70, is a retired TV producer who has waged a personal crusade against so-called junk mail. As recently reported here, Nelson used to dump his unwanted flyers and letters at the offices of direct-mail advertisers such as ADVO and the PennySaver, as well as his local branch of the U.S. Postal Service.

As sure as the tide, the junk mail kept coming. Twice, Nelson even received little yellow cards issued to inform letter carriers not to deliver the ADVO System Inc. mailings or the PennySaver to his address. The cards themselves were marked: “Do not deliver this card to this address.”

Now, given all the troubles that face humankind, unwanted mail may seem a minor concern. Indeed, one reader, recently unemployed, wrote expressly to say she had no sympathy for people who spend their time bellyaching over junk mail when she’s out trying to get a job.

But by and large, reader mail--which, dear readers, is seldom junky--suggests many people share Nelson’s ire and have developed their own tactics.

On a Christmas card mailed in October, Ann Haney of Ontario writes:

This card is “recycled” from an unsolicited charity mailing . . .

My motto for dealing with junk mail from credit card, insurance, mortgage companies and charities falls into the “don’t get mad, get even” category. I stuff as much as I can (to make return postage as high as possible) into postage paid envelopes and return to sender advising “remove name from mailing list.”

Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t--but it does alleviate my anger at receiving all this junk and hopefully eases my blood pressure a bit.

I feel bad about doing this to legitimate charities. But I donate to charities of my choice; not ones that waste money on mass mailings.

Haney signed off with a cheery “Merry Christmas.”

Some readers recommend a kinder, gentler approach.

Albert Goldstein of Woodland Hills writes:

I, too, receive endless pieces of junk mail. Instead of ranting and raving, and spending endless time in trying to effect a change in delivery, I simply . . . store it all in large brown paper bags. When I’ve accumulated enough bags I give it to my temple in their reclamation drives, which helps them to raise money for their charitable purposes. To heck with the senders. If they want to spend their money, let them.

Along similar lines, Sally Burggraaf of Mission Hills chastened me for suggesting that junk mail winds up in the garbage:

Junk mail is recyclable except for window envelopes with plastic windows. Perhaps you could help the recycling programs if you mentioned that instead of speaking of throwing things in the trash.

She’s right, of course, but many people still would rather not get the stuff in the first place.

William L. Murrell of Woodland Hills promised to send a list of addresses and phone numbers to contact to get yourself off all sorts of mailing lists. Alas, he did this by e-mail, and it’s encoded in a computer language that has frustrated my feeble abilities. (“Snail mail” still has its virtues.)

At any rate, Murrell’s list may well be duplicated on the seven pages that Lois Chaney sent--weighty enough to require two Marilyn Monroe stamps. When she linked her husband’s sore back to junk mail, it seemed like pure hyperbole. But the more I read, the more plausible it seemed. How many households, after all, could claim to have received up to 23 mail-order catalogues in a single day?

Chaney writes:

We had been customers but not addicts. We quit entirely in April. I saved two weeks worth and spent a morning calling 800 numbers. Most of the order takers were entirely sympathetic. Companies with postage-paid envelopes got written messages requesting name deletion.

Having been to Junk Mail Hell and back, Chaney offered a dozen tips on how to avoid her fate. If buying by mail-order, she says, be sure to also immediately request the omission of your name from mailing lists--and be emphatic: Don’t even think about it or this is my last order!

If you keep getting unwanted catalogues, she adds, mark them “Refused--Return to Sender.” (Elvis stamps would have been more appropriate, don’t you think?) Chaney suggests: Mark out your name well enough so the post office won’t redeliver the catalogue, but let it be legible enough for the company to get the message. They DO have to pay for return postage even on bulk mail. Put big red arrows to the address above your “Refused -- Return to Sender.” Dump it back in the mail.

There isn’t space here to relate all of Chaney’s tips. And there’s certainly no room to reprint her “hit list” of 800 numbers and addresses for catalogues and other direct-mail solicitors. Her list has 396 entries.

Chaney adds:

This started as a game but became an obsession. I have to share with you how great we feel about just getting real mail, about regaining some sense of privacy from unwanted invasion, and about not contributing to the waste disposal problem. . . .

There is, in fact, room enough for only one more letter.

Virginia Egermeier of Canoga Park says that junk mail has one hidden virtue.

Unless your letter carrier has something to deliver, he or she might not pick up your outgoing mail.

Scott Harris’ column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Readers may write to Harris at the Times Valley Edition, 20000 Prairie St., Chatsworth, Calif. 91311. Please include a phone number. Address TimesLink or Prodigy e-mail to YQTU59A ( via the Internet: YQTU59A@prodigy.com).