Call Him Filibuster Mathis Sr.

Downey’s California:

--Don King’s testimony lasted only three days? I figured Don King’s opening statement would take three days.

--Listening to three days of King on the witness stand, Marcia Clark would have screamed, “Stop! I can’t take any more! Drop the charges!”

--The jury’s scorecards have King not guilty, 7-5, 5-7, 9-3.

--You should have seen King’s hair respond when the bailiff said: “All rise.”

--Steffi Graf’s trial probably will be shown on Clay Court TV.

--Don’t get down on the San Francisco 49ers yet. Trust me, if the 49ers would play the Carolina Panthers 10 times, they would win at least six.

--Ryne Sandberg and Michael Jordan might sing their new medley, “Take This Job and Shove It” and “My Kind of Town,” on Frank Sinatra’s next duet album.

--Just think how well Greg Maddux and Orel Hershiser could pitch if they would wear their eyeglasses.

--Marge Schott will sprinkle dog hair on her new manager, Ray Knight. I wouldn’t send a dog out on a Knight like this.

--Baseball’s new television contract calls for baseball to be televised, a radical departure from baseball’s last television contract.

--The Herman Munster of the NBA, 7-foot-7 Gheorghe Muresan of the Washington Bullets, scored 31 points against the Charlotte Hornets. I would have thought that five ladders, strategically placed, could hold Muresan under 30.

--Muresan is so slow, I could outrun him wearing a Sports Illustrated shoe phone.

--Reggie Miller of the Indiana Pacers, whose new book is called “I Love Being the Enemy,” told Conan O’Brien’s TV studio audience in New York that New York’s fans had the most knowledge of any fans in the NBA. I dare Reggie to say that in front of studio audiences in Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston and, oh, yes, Indianapolis.

--If the Indianapolis Colts were nice people, they would offer their nickname to Baltimore for a name to be named later.

--I would say Art Modell sold Cleveland down the river, except I have seen that river, and nothing could go down it.

--Barry Levinson’s script for the film “Diner, Part II” should include a scene in which Steve Guttenberg asks his fiancee to pass a Baltimore Browns’ trivia test.

--Wait a minute, wasn’t Paul Reiser’s character in the original “Diner” named Modell?

--Question: How many fights has Mike Tyson had since leaving prison? Answer: Including the Peter McNeeley fight, none.

--Marty Cordova of Minnesota has become the first American League rookie of the year whose position is a complete mystery to everyone in the other 49 states.

--Mike Ditka did a segment for NBC recently promoted as “Buddy Ryan: Man or Myth?” So far, Buddy hasn’t demanded equal time.

--Murder, arson and armed robbery are only a few of the crimes that might get you kicked off the University of Nebraska football team, depending on your position.

--Question: Where would Northwestern display a Heisman Trophy inside its trophy case? Answer: First, Northwestern has to go out and buy a trophy case.

--The Kings have a goalie named Dafoe and a coach named Robinson. All they need now is a captain named Crusoe.

--I bet they could get one from the Islanders.

--After four games, the Sacramento Kings were unbeaten. For 50 bonus points, name five Sacramento Kings.

--Here are five concessions the Houston Oilers must make, should they move to Nashville: 1. National anthem played on banjo. 2. New uniforms made of buckskin. 3. Rhinestone helmets. 4. After championships, players must say: “I’m going to Dollywood!” 5. Gatorade made in home stills.

--If Michael Adams got traded to Vancouver, he’d be Grizzly Adams.

--Question: How can you tell when a boxer is being interviewed on TV by Larry Merchant? Answer: Slurred speech, slow responses, partial dementia. Some of these same symptoms can also be found in the boxer.