Some Smart Thinking in These Dumb Times

Through the ages, humans have wrestled with the burning philosophical questions of their day: Does God exist? What is the meaning of life? Tastes great versus less filling. And, in a movie theater, how do you know which armrest is yours?

In the 1990s, a new quandary has arisen: Dummy or idiot? At least, that’s the dilemma found on the shelves of America’s bookstores.

During the past few years, publishers have issued a barrage of books for the less-than-competent: “Personal Finance for Dummies” versus “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Managing Your Money.” “Internet for Dummies” against “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Internet E-Mail.”

All told, about 300 titles are available from IDG Books and Macmillan, the dumb and dumber of this literary genre. In their battle for the hearts and, um, minds of the nation’s unelite, few topics have been ignored--from “Sex for Dummies” to “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Successful Gambling.”

There’s even talk of a “Bible for Dummies.”

Why the rush to dimwittedness?

Quite simply, stupidity seems to sell. From “Forrest Gump” to “Beavis and Butt-head,” it’s now hip to be dense.

Especially when it comes to computers, which is what inspired the publishing trend in the first place.

In 1987, IDG Books boss John Kilcullen overheard a bewildered computer owner ask a software store clerk for a Dick-and-Jane-type guide to programming. “Something,” the customer suggested, “like DOS for dummies.”

Four years later, that title launched Dummies.

Laced with humor, cartoons and easy-to-digest translations of technology, the guide was billed as “a reference book for the rest of us.”

Still, it wasn’t an instant hit. Waldenbooks, for one, refused to carry the title, which it considered insulting--or did until the book bounded onto the bestseller list at rival Barnes & Noble.

After that, dim bulbs became respectable.

Indeed, Macmillan Publishing was so flummoxed by the success of Dummies Inc. that it rolled out two lines of books to counter the series in 1993.

“When a competitor comes up with a really good idea, you can either ignore it because it’s not yours or follow it,” says Roland Elgey, president of Macmillan’s Que computer division. “We followed.”

Que’s strategy was basically the same as IDG’s: Tap into the frustration and anxiety created by the age of technology. The result was “I Hate Windows but This Book Makes It Easy” and “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to PCs.”

“We let the market vote,” Elgey says. The “I Hate” line fell by the wayside a year ago. And actor John Ratzenberger--alias Cliff Clavin of “Cheers”--was hired as official mascot of the Idiots series.

What’s a consumer to do?

“To a certain degree, it’s become Pepsi and Coke,” Elgey says. “It’s more a question of which [title] they see first and which they see more often.”

Actually, this isn’t the first attempt at marketing to the mentally challenged.

The last dolt revolt happened in the 1970s, around the time of Gerald Ford’s presidency. That was the era of Steve Martin’s movie “The Jerk” and books such as “Auto Repair for Dummies,” “Juggling for the Complete Klutz” and “How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive: A Manual of Step-by-Step Procedures for the Compleat Idiot.”

And there was disco.

During the 1980s, however, the feebleminded tended to lie low.

The new ascendancy of stupidity might be a side effect of the whirlwind pace of technology. Consumers feel overwhelmed.

“A lot of the marketing strategy is the conveyance of simplicity,” Elgey says. “The consumer wants to know: ‘Am I going to get swift gratification from this [book]?’ ”

Using the word “dummy” or “idiot” seems to get the message across in a way that “Beginner’s Guide” or “ABCs” no longer can, he says.

But there are hazards.

When IDG decided to expand the concept beyond computers--with a book on sex--its own employees rose up in arms. On one side, at the company’s Indianapolis plant, workers refused to be involved on religious grounds. At IDG’s suburban San Francisco headquarters, on the other hand, employees complained that the book didn’t go far enough.

“The [California contingent] wanted information like where to get an abortion,” says Milissa Koloski, executive vice president and publisher at Dummies Press in Foster City, Calif.

In the end, the company brought in a corporate psychologist, made working on the project optional and decided against including the abortion advice.

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Another touchy undertaking is marketing to morons in other countries. In Italy, for instance, the Idiots series was originally supposed to be translated using a word that means, loosely, “somebody who stands around with their finger up their nose.” That was dropped in favor of facile, or “easy.”

The Polish version, inexplicably, was retitled “Where Eagles Dare.”

The Dummies line also translates awkwardly. In Russian, it comes out as “teapots.” In Slovenian, it’s “the mentally clumsy.” And in Chinese, it connotes “country yokel.”

Whatever the language hang-ups, the ultimate translation--profits--seems to be a winner. IDG, which dwarfs Macmillan in the dunce department, hauled in $50 million in 1994, the bulk of it from Dummies Press, Koloski reports.

And with scores of new titles due this year, the phenomenon appears to be more than just a fad.

Given the number of topics that people feel intimidated and frustrated about, Koloski says, “I think we’ll still be around when my kids are in college--and I don’t have kids yet.”

Humorists are already imagining the possibilities. “A book you don’t want to see your doctor reading,” said the comic strip “Mixed Media,” would be: “Brain Surgery for Dummies.”

There might be some constraints on the trend, as well. One is financial. “You have to be prepared to invest seven-figure sums if you’re in this for the long haul,” Elgey says.

Already the stampede to stupidity has left casualties. The “Murphy’s Law” series of books came and went, he notes.

And critics have begun taking shots. Some view the trend as a symbol of the “dumbing down” of America.

As one computer magazine put it: “To see a wall of these books in a bookstore--a place [of] literacy and education . . . is an anomaly, a weird anomaly.”

Koloski disagrees.

“I really take exception to that,” she says. “I think we’re helping Americans become smarter and more competent.”