Russian Self-Help?

Last Week’s 15 Best-Selling Russian Advice and How-To Paperbacks:

1. “The One-Minute Mafia.” How to organize family, friends, babushkas into a tight-knit moneymaking syndicate.

2. “They’ll Never Say ‘Nyet’ Again: The Official KGB Negotiating Handbook.” Arm-twisting techniques from the past masters.

3. “The Chernobyl Cookbook.” Regional recipes for 200 hot meals you can cook without a stove.

4. “The 10-Ruble Liquor Cabinet.” Tax-free potables you can make in your basement with potato skins, anti-freeze and hair tonic. Introduction by B. Yeltsin. All proceeds go to Alcoholics Unanimous.

5. “We Have Your Puppy: Direct Mail That Pays Off Every Time.” Hard-sell money-raising techniques for hard-nosed New Russia businessmen.

6. “50 Ways to a Business Edge in the New Russia.” Quick, effective methods for obliterating competition. With wiring diagrams.

7. “There’s Gold in Them Thar Lenins!” 1001 money-making things to do with any 20-ton bronze statue.

8. “You Can’t Fire Me, You’re Dead!” Straight-shooting corporate survival manual for the New Russia.

9. “Naughty, Naughty, Uncle Nikolai! The Hidden Cash in Your Family’s Past.” Includes the first complete listing of all secret police informants in the Soviet bloc, 1950-90. With photos.

10. “Did You Drop This Envelope, Judge?” How to get away with murder in the New Russia, without a lawyer.

11. “I’m a Romanov, and I’m Mad!” Sure-fire shortcuts to a successful Supreme Court claim.

12. “They Call Me Mister Nomenklatura.” Entrepreneur Ricky Brezhnev’s inside guide to getting Rolls-Royces, caviar, girls etc. delivered to your front door, free.

13. “Starting Your Own Republic.” A breakaway how-to kit featuring constitutions, secession proclamations, U.N. aid applications, 100 free flag designs.

14. “I Don’t Need No Stinking Badges!” A self-made New Russia billionaire tells how he rose from hustling old Soviet trinkets to selling ships, missiles and entire refineries--and how you can too.

15. “50 More Ways to a Business Edge in the New Russia.” More practical advice, from the group that took over after the original publishers vanished.