THE NBA / MARK HEISLER : Celtic Fans Wondering Where’s the Leprechaun

Waiting for the Celtics’ revival: Is the 21st century soon enough for you?

Too soon?

The big green rebuilding machine has stalled, the Celtics having lost 26 of 34. They are now seventh worst in the league, which puts them out of the playoffs and the premium lottery spots. They will be only $3 million under the salary cap next summer, which removes them from the hunt for star free agents.

They could have been $6.3 million under but they gave Dana Barros $3.3 million last summer. Barros is now coming off the bench and wondering what he’s doing there, along with everyone else.

It’s not that the Celtics are perfectly leaderless, just essentially leaderless. Red Auerbach still acts as a consultant but his days of pulling rabbits out of hats and blowing cigar smoke in opponents’ faces are long over.

Larry Bird, local legend and consultant, wakes up the echoes from time to time, like when he ripped unhappy team captain Dee Brown, to which Brown responded: “If Larry was here every day at every practice and every game, that might be something else. But he’s not here every day. I’m here. I haven’t seen him around much.”

Oops. Bird lives in Naples, Fla., and has resisted all attempts to involve himself in day-to-day administration. Chairman of the board Paul Gaston, a stock broker, lives in New York. They should name this season’s highlight film “The Carpetbaggers.”

Gaston got his appointment the traditional way. He inherited it. Arriving as Bird, Kevin McHale and Dave Gavitt were departing, he hired M.L. Carr out of the community relations department to get the newspapers off his silk-suited back.

Carr, popular, enthusiastic and inexperienced, now has the titles of executive vice president, head of basketball operations and coach, but has yet to prove he can perform any of the duties that go with the titles.

Leaping into action in whatever direction, which is his specialty, he squandered $4 million on Dominique Wilkins. Given a reprieve when Wilkins found a breach of his contract and left for Greece, Carr signed the 5-foot-10 Barros to go with Smurf guards Sherman Douglas and Brown. Douglas has since been traded, Brown wants out and sits the bench, alongside Barros.

“If they had trusted the fans, the fans would have understood the big picture,” says Boston Globe columnist Bob Ryan. “They would have understood the Celtics have to take a fall. There was no particular demand to get Dominique Wilkins and win 35 games but ownership doesn’t want to accept that.”

Celtic fans dream of a savior on a white horse like Massachusetts’ John Calipari or Kentucky’s Rick Pitino. The reality is, star college coaches won’t come unless the money is huge and the situation is foolproof, as opposed to stocked with fools.

At least Gaston has been able to assess the problem, even from New York.

“Sure, I’m worried,” he told a financial columnist before the season. “My idea of good marketing is a good basketball team. . . . I think we know our team stinks.”

As soon as he completes an equally candid executive review, the Celtics will be on their way.

IT’S THE DOG DAYS, LET’S MEET THE DOGS

Is there anyone out there capable of extending the Chicago Bulls?

Not the way things look right now but things change. Put it this way: A lot of teams had better hope they do.

Here’s how the races look:

EASTERN CONFERENCE

1. Bulls--All sewn up. At the current pace, they could stop playing today and be the No. 3 seed in the East.

2. Orlando Magic--They’re still young, loose on defense and lame on the road--and probably the second-best team in the league.

3. Indiana Pacers--Business as usual. Larry Brown is impatient with his best player, Reggie Miller. Reggie’s a free agent. Larry is Larry. It’ll be a good season if they have both back next fall.

4. Cleveland Cavaliers--Mike Fratello deflates the basketball, pulls off another regular-season miracle. OK, now what?

5. New York Knicks--Since starting 18-6, they are 14-18 and players are rolling their eyes at Coach Don Nelson.

6. Atlanta Hawks--Lenny Wilkens, the league’s first 1,000-game winner, does an equally remarkable job but shares Fratello’s predicament.

7. Detroit Pistons--Nice start with a young team that will have salary-cap room. Coach Doug Collins only sees one problem: “We’re looking at Orlando, Chicago or Indiana in the first round.”

8. Charlotte Hornets--If they hold on, they can be Bull-bait again.

9. Miami Heat--Pat Riley might have hit it big with Tim Hardaway. After an 11-3 start, the Heat went 16-28 but no one quits on Riles (and stays around). Expect a rally.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

1. Seattle SuperSonics--Having averaged 60 wins for two seasons, they’re back on a 63-game pace.

Since they lost in the last two opening rounds, who cares?

“I’d still look forward to playing them in a seven-game series or a five-game series,” said Charles Barkley. “I think they’re a good team but I don’t think they strike fear in anybody’s hearts.”

2. Utah Jazz--They won 60 last season but finished without Felton Spencer. Now they’re on a 56-win pace but have their center back. They had better get to that last hurrah while they can.

3. San Antonio Spurs--Charles Smith is better than he showed in New York but they’re soft and he isn’t Dennis Rodman.

4. Houston Rockets--If it’s mid-season, they must be faltering, injured or both. Clyde Drexler, Mario Elie and Sam Cassell all may be out until April. Last week, they started three players they got from the CBA and of the 10 they dressed, two were on 10-day contracts. Now for their annual playoff miracle (or not).

5. Lakers--They would be the class of this kennel if they weren’t still billowy soft in the middle. When Elden Campbell steps up, Vlade Divac steps back and vice versa. A year ago, when Vlade had his career season, the tandem averaged 29 points and 16 rebounds. This season, with Campbell on the rise, it’s 25 points and 16 rebounds.

6. Phoenix Suns--They’re .500 but are already assured of a playoff spot. They are no one you would want to meet early if they’re sound, which is why the Lakers are fine in the 4-5 slots.

7. Sacramento Kings--Stalled out just short of respectability. Too much pressure on Mitch Richmond to carry them. Getting Billy Owens makes them even better rebounders but even worse shooters.

8. Golden State Warriors--Good news for the SuperSonics, who will finally get beyond the first round.

9. Portland Trail Blazers--Underachieving mightily while waiting for owner Paul Allen to declare a winner in that P.J. Carlesimo-Rod Strickland struggle.

NAMES AND NUMBERS

War of the Blazers: Strickland, suspended for a confrontation in which he reportedly pushed and cursed Carlesimo, vows not to return. He’s losing $27,800 a game and if he makes good his threat, will forfeit $806,200. There still is speculation that General Manager Bob Whitsitt would rather dump Carlesimo, who is now popping up in rumors for open college jobs. “First of all, I’ve not been contacted,” Carlesimo said of prospective openings at Seton Hall and North Carolina State. “And I’m not interested, not at all.” In other words, check back July 1.

What’s the difference between Larry Miller and any other fat loudmouth at a Jazz game? Miller owns the team. Going off after a desultory loss at Denver, he noted, “We had about five guys out there who looked like they either didn’t care or got selfish on us. It was an embarrassment to the franchise.” Miller is an expert, having embarrassed the franchise many times. Said Karl Malone, who missed 18 of 25 shots and five of six free throws: “When I saw in the paper, what he said, it bothered me. And it still bothers me. It’s still in my mind. It’s the kind of thing that’s going to run me away from basketball, I’ll tell you that. I’m not happy about it.”

Charting the development of our toddlers, we find the Suns’ Kevin Johnson noting after a loss at Utah: “I don’t think we got breaks from the referees tonight. I don’t think that the hotel we stayed in was good. But we’ve got to overcome stuff like that.” The Suns stayed at a different hotel and Johnson, who likes his pregame meal at 3:30 p.m., got it late from room service. “We close our restaurant from 2 to 5,” said Holiday Inn manager Lowell Pratt. “But when we got a request for a sandwich for Mr. Johnson, we filled the order immediately. My impression was that everyone was happy.”

Situation normal, all fouled up: Knick Coach Nelson benched John Starks, who was given so much license in the preceding administration, teammates called him “Riley’s son.” In an outburst that surprised no one, Starks said of Nelson, “Everybody thought he would be a good coach. But sometimes, nightmares happen.” Then Nelson kept Derek Harper on the bench in the fourth quarter at Phoenix. Harper, a team leader who’s more lucid than Starks, said of Nelson, “That’s his style or whatever you want to call it.”

Is he still in this league? The Philadelphia 76ers’ Derrick Coleman, sidelined most of the season because of that pesky sprained ankle, wants to sit the rest of it. Coleman said, “It’s not like we were playing to make the playoffs or needed a run for the home-court advantage.” Before the weekend, his totals were 11 games, 173 points, 72 rebounds and $3.7 million in salary. He might not score another point or take another rebound but he will collect another $1.8 million. . . . Headline in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune on A.C. Green’s return after having teeth knocked out by J.R. Reid: “Ath Thee Green exthends consthecutive games sthreak.”