Only Duds Are Rocket Uniforms

Wearing uniforms that look like Wonder Woman’s pajamas, the Houston Rockets take the floor.

Their starting guards are somebody named Sam Mack and somebody named Eldridge Recasner. If you took a poll to ask, “Who are Sam Mack and Eldridge Recasner?” the most popular answer would probably be, “Senators from Georgia?”

You think to yourself: Houston, you do have a problem. Your tailor is blind and your backcourt couldn’t start for the Olympic team from Turkey.

These are the NBA champions, two years running. But they don’t look like much.

Kenny Smith sits on the bench. So does Sam Cassell. Clyde “The Glide” Drexler, the old Dream Teamer himself, isn’t even in uniform. He’s out with a bruised glide.

And here the Rockets are, on the road for a Sunday afternoon to play the hot, hot, hot Lakers, winners of 19 of their last 22.

The Lakers are at full strength. Magic is back. Nick is back. Yes, it sure looks like a long, long, long afternoon in store for Mr. Eldridge Recasner, ladies and gentlemen.

Except, uh, Houston 111, L.A. 107.

Winner and still champion.

The Hak Attak himself, Hakeem Olajuwon, goes for 29 points, 13 rebounds, six assists, three steals, three blocks. He even makes five of seven free throws, another thing he does better than that guy from Orlando who shoots free throws the way Garo Yepremian throws footballs.

Hakeem gets help.

Smith, that little Laker-killer himself, pops off the bench to score 21 points. Cassell goes him one better. He pops off for 24.

You remember Ken and Sam, who were busy winning an NBA championship last season while Michael and the Mailman and the Admiral and Sir Charles and ‘Zo were busy on the 18th hole.

Poor little Rockets.

Nobody loves them. Nobody favors them. Nobody buys their merchandise. Nobody thinks they can beat Chicago. Nobody picks them to threepeat.

“We love that,” Houston forward Robert Horry said after Sunday’s game. “Keep doing that. Please? Please, please, please?”

Smith: “Let everybody say what they want. We just keep plugging away, stinging people.”

Cassell: “We’re champions until somebody proves different. Ain’t nobody done that yet, last time I looked.”

The Lakers got a Marv Albert-narrated reminder Sunday that the Rockets--not Seattle, not Orlando, not Chicago--are still the NBA’s team to beat. Overpowering? Not particularly. Victorious? Yes, as usual. One of these days, the basketball world is going to take the Houston Rockets seriously.

Back-to-back champs, and treated like chumps.

“No NBA fan should be surprised by the Houston Rockets,” says Laker Coach Del Harris, who screamed at his team to stop playing passively and start attacking, to little avail.

“They showed again why they’re the two-time defending champs. They did what they had to do to win the game. Kenny Smith makes nine straight ‘threes’ on us over the last two ball games. Somebody has to stop that.”

People say this about Houston all the time.

But Olajuwon goes on and on, doing that little Chubby Checker twist of his in the paint, spinning one way then the other, or else floating backward like an astronaut in a capsule, shooting that fade-away jumper that Dikembe Mutombo on a giraffe couldn’t block.

When double-teamed, Olajuwon kicks out the ball to Smith and Cassell, neither of whom gets Reggie Miller’s publicity. The entire Laker bench, counting Earvin Johnson, scored 26 points. Smith and Cassell scored 45.

Rudy Tomjanovich enjoys having them in reserve, although the Rocket coach won’t be stubborn about it.

“Kenny could start, sure,” Rudy T. says. “Nothing’s in stone.

“I do like Sam coming off the bench to start the game, but some days I say, ‘Well, well, well . . . maybe.’ ”

Which is how Houston’s chances of winning the NBA are usually described.

Tomjanovich just chuckles, sends out Sam Mack and Eldridge “Magic” Recasner, wins again and says, “What it comes down to is, it doesn’t matter what your name is, where you’re from or how much money you make. You’re either a winner or you’re not.

“We all know crazy things happen in the playoffs. If you charted our road to the title, it would not be a straight line. It would go up and down, through the valley, into the cave.”

Which is where those uniforms belong, but otherwise, Houston’s looking good.