Calming the Storm : ‘Cool Houses’ Give Teens Shelter During Family Disputes

The fights had become unbearable.

In the latest, her mother’s roommate boyfriend--angry that she was calling home later than expected--threatened to slap her.

The 15-year-old Ventura girl had been hit by him before.

And she had run away before, sometimes sleeping off her anger on the beach or hiding out at a friend’s house.

But this time was different.

Instead of fleeing, the girl called a social worker and told her she needed a way out.

Within hours, the girl was dropped off at Russ and Carol Keller’s cozy suburban home in the Conejo Valley.

The troubled teen had landed in a “cool home,” occupied by one of 25 licensed foster families throughout the county who volunteer to give young people a sheltered place to stay for a few days when they no longer feel safe in their own homes or simply need time away from their parents to cool off after a dispute.

The program, coordinated by the Thousand Oaks branch of Interface Children, Family Services is one answer to keeping teens from Ojai to Simi Valley from joining an estimated 2 million children nationwide who run away from home each year.

And as local schools increasingly address the issue of domestic abuse and more police officers receive special training about the issue, the number of teens calling for help is steadily growing.

In recent years, the 20-year-old program has shepherded from 150 to 200 teens a year through cool homes, offering not only emergency shelter, but family counseling or mediation at no cost.

“The word is getting out,” said Cosette Reiner, the cool home case manager. “We are here for youth in trouble, with a crisis in the family. Or for kids that have been locked out by their families or run away.”

The free program accepts youths, ages 10 to 17, as long as they receive their parents’ permission and meet several conditions, such as not having a history of violence.

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They arrive with problems ranging from run-of-the-mill curfew battles to more severe cases of abuse and neglect.

Although Interface, a private nonprofit countywide social service agency, closely guards the identities of the teens and the participating foster families, the notes that youths leave at the Kellers plainly tell their stories.

From a 13-year-old: “I have been through a lot . . . A couple of months [ago], I had a abortion because the guy left me. It really hurt.”

From a 15-year-old: “My father and I do not get along at all. We fight and argue everyday since I’ve become a freshman.”

Or this from another 15-year-old: “I’m here . . . because my parents don’t want me anymore because they found out I am pregnant.”

And although most come from troubled households, the young people themselves span social, economic and class barriers.

“It doesn’t strike [just] low-income families. It doesn’t matter what economic or educational background they come from,” said Reiner. “The thing they have in common is that they are teenagers.”

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And that mainly means they often need an impartial, caring adult to talk to.

That’s where such families as the Kellers, who agreed to reveal their identities for this article, come in.

No matter how pensive they are at first, almost all the teenagers who enter the Kellers’ welcoming home come with an unstoppable urge to talk about their problems, Carol Keller said.

“They have a need to unburden themselves about the things that have happened to them,” she said. “And [they know that] I am going to be objective because I am not their mother.”

But they can also simply hang out, watch television, play basketball in the backyard with one of the couple’s two sons, go to church, or pass the days alone in a guest bedroom decorated with porcelain clowns and stuffed animals that is left empty especially for them.

“We just include them like a member of the family,” Russ Keller said. “What’s important is that the kids really need a safe place to stay and [they] need to know that someone believes they are important and that they have worth.”

The visit, from one to five nights, gives teens a chance to cool down in a neutral, safe environment away from their homes while their parents do the same. But Interface counselors also expect the teens--and their families--to work hard at resolving their problems.

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While the foster parents are at work, the teens attend sessions on topics such as anger management, self-esteem and domestic violence at Interface’s Thousand Oaks office.

And though this means they are not in school, Beth Arnold, an Interface youth crisis coordinator, says the time spent with the agency’s counselors is worth their falling behind a bit in classes.

“The fact is that if they are in dire enough straits that they need to come into the cool home program, their school is suffering anyway,” she said. “This helps them get back on track.”

The youths, at the end of their stay at a cool house, meet with their parents and a counselor who helps them forge a contract to better define the boundaries of their relationship. And they must agree to attend two follow-up sessions.

One contract between a 12-year-old boy and his father was summed up by Reiner this way: “The father agrees not to drink alcoholic beer. The youth agrees not to call the father names and [to] discuss important decisions with him before making them. The youth will get a copy of the school’s rules and make sure he understands them.”

According to Arnold, the program has had success not only at keeping teens from running away, but also in helping families cope with short-term problems.

“The goal of cool home is to solve the immediate crisis going on in the home . . . with better communication,” said Arnold, “so that when the next crisis comes up, they are better able to work it out without kicking and screaming.”

Some families may go on to join longer-term programs run by Interface or be referred to outside therapists.

But for the most part, Reiner says, the cool home program seems to make it easier for families to cope with future problems on their own.

“Most of these kids are really good kids who want to try to make things better,” she said. “And so are their parents. They just don’t know how and need some help getting there.”