Ain’t This Cab in New York? Hail No, We Won’t Go Out of Our Way to Be Nice

Which of these are you most likely to hear when you hand a New York City cabbie a $50 bill for a $5 cab ride?

A) Thanks for the tip.

B) Are you out of your mind?

C) I am sorry, but I am not required to change a $50 bill. Please let me drive you to the nearest place where you can get change.

If the Taxi and Limousine Commission gets its way, cabbies will be answering “C,” along with 49 other courteous statements such as: “Thank you for hailing me, sir (madam).”

After finally requiring drivers to speak English and know how to find Broadway, the agency now wants to banish the quintessential New York image: rude cab drivers.

“The cabdriver is often the first and last New Yorker that a tourist meets,” TLC Commissioner Christopher Lynn said. “I think it will be a boost to our image and tourism.”

Fat chance, said cabbie Michael Higgins: “If I was overly polite to a passenger, he would think he was dealing with a psychotic.”