You think the bends is painful for...

You think the bends is painful for divers . . .

Radio station KFWB-AM (980) noticed a blurb on the Internet that claimed that “fire authorities in California” had found the body of a scuba diver in a burnt section of a forest.

The diver, “complete with a dive tank, flippers and facemask,” supposedly was found 12 miles from the ocean. And an examination revealed that the victim had died “not from burns but from massive internal injuries.”

The Internet account said that it was later determined that the diver had been in the ocean the day of the fire and was apparently scooped up by one of a fleet of helicopters “with very large buckets. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the forest fire and emptied.”

Hence, the massive internal injuries.

KFWB checked with the state Department of Forestry and was informed that the story was a hoax--one that crops up every year or so.

Put it in your file of urban folk tales.

THIS ONE WILL LEAVE YOU SPEECHLESS:

Anna Casetta of Culver City, who spotted the accompanying ad for a local production, says: “I could do a nonspeaking part in French or Spanish, but an English accent is beyond my skill.”

ORDER IN THE COURTHOUSE:

A while back, we published an excerpt from a summons for jury duty in the Compton courthouse, which said, in part: “Security screen: Knives, etc., may be confiscated.”

The use of the word “may” made it sound as though the jury was still out on the suitability of weapons in that building.

We don’t know whether our item made someone sit up and take notice in Compton. But a colleague who received his notice for jury duty in that city reports that the wording has been changed. The summons now says: “Security screen: ‘Weapons, sharp objects, Mace, etc., are not permitted.’ ”

LIST OF THE DAY:

Some locals whose achievements have been recognized by the 1996 Guinness Book of Records:

* Most pogo-stick jumps: Gary Stewart bounced 177,737 times in Huntington Beach, May 25-26, 1990.

* Most push-ups--24 hours: Charles Servizio recorded 46,001 at Fontana City Hall, April 24-25, 1993.

* Largest fumigation: Mission Inn in Riverside, Calif., was covered with 350 tarpaulins (weighing 350 pounds each) by Fume Masters Inc. of Riverside to rid the 70,000-square-foot complex of termites, June 28-July 1, 1987. (Number of dead termites, however, was not revealed. Come on, Guinness. Get on the ball!)

* Most watched show: “Baywatch,” the TV program with the least-covered characters, has “an estimated weekly audience of 2,396,839,980 people throughout 103 countries.”

* Biggest burrito: Montebello Town Center built a 3,960-pound burrito, Sept. 16, 1994. It was wrapped in a 3,055.4-foot-long tortilla.

miscelLAny:

This just in: An addendum to the 1996 Guinness book says the burrito record has since been broken by a concoction weighing 4,217 pounds and measuring 3,112.99 feet. It was created by El Pollo Loco in Anaheim, July 31, 1995.

Back to you, Montebello.