Here They Come

Bob Dole is back in California this week. His presence can only be seen as a good thing for Californians. It is not necessary to support the man from Kansas to grasp this point. This is not about ideology. This is a presidential campaign, and idealism is about as relevant as the personality competition in a beauty pageant. Enlightened self-interest seems to be the game’s name, so let us play it, together, Californians under the same golden sun.

With each visit by Dole, his vow to battle hard in California--ignoring advice to save resources for more friendly states--seems less and less like political gamesmanship. Maybe he honestly believes he can take this state, and thus undercut Bill Clinton’s base. Or maybe he is bluffing--a ploy to force Clinton to devote more attention than necessary. If so, he’s doing a credible job, and that’s good enough.

Should Clinton even suspect Dole means business out here, the contest inevitably will tilt our way. And should California emerge as a major front, all that whining last winter about New Hampshire’s outsize clout will seem downright silly. Whenever Dole visits, Clinton will be obliged to follow, and after Clinton departs, Dole will return, and on and on.

And they can’t just come out here and watch the raisins dry. They must bring gifts or promises of gifts. It’s a tradition. And the more one candidate promises, the more the other must pony up, and soon enough there it is: A ballet of tag-team Santas. We’re talking Christmas in California, every day from now until the second Tuesday in November.

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A Dole campaign stop Monday afternoon presented hopeful evidence. The site was a park in this tony suburban town, located about 30 miles inland from San Francisco. Before Dole arrived, Republican stalwarts spoke giddily of the millions the GOP National Committee would spend in California this summer. While they saw this as a boon to down-ticket GOP candidates, it could help California Democrats just as much. Now they go to the Democrat nationals and make a better case for equal amounts of campaign money, just to keep up.

Dole arrived a bit late. He wore a gray suit and did not carry a surfboard. In every other way, however, the Kansas comet demonstrated he was as Californian as any Kansan can be. He spoke loftily of the “California promise,” and made more than a few himself. Californians might have thought Clinton has been pretty, well, liberal with the pork. Dole suggested the largess he envisions would make Clinton, by comparison, appear to have been “at war with California.”

Dole promised to fight for California businesses, “from San Diego to the Oregon border.” He promised to fight for California water. He promised to repeal the gas tax, on behalf of “Californians.” He promised to seal the border, in the spirit of California’s Proposition 187, and to pump big money into the California defense industry.

“California,” he promised, “will have a friend in the White House, just like Ronald Reagan.”

No elaboration was necessary. Who can forget those boom-boom Gipper years, when the defense buildup had California’s economy burning red hot? Who can remember the resulting deficit? Not Bob Dole. He didn’t mention it once. This was California. He wasn’t here to lay guilt trips on people.

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Dole spoke in particular of anti-missile devices, suggesting that without a “Star Wars”-like system, the Chinese might “rain nuclear bombs on Los Angeles.” This perhaps was a slight gaffe, suggesting Dole has not completed his crash course on California’s regional hostilities. Los Angeles, after all, is the city Northern Californians love to hate, and when Dole asked these northerners--rhetorically, he presumed--if they would want him to stop the Chinese, a brief, awkward silence ensued. One could almost hear them mulling it over, fingers on chin, a la Jack Benny: Let’s see. Nuke L.A. or no nuke L.A.? Well. We’re thinking. We’re thinking. . . .

After Dole finished, a Clinton “rapid response team” surged to the media tent. It brought happy news that a $3-billion missile contract might be awarded to a California firm. A pending announcement that the federal Unabomber trial would be moved to Sacramento was mentioned. See how it works? Californians shout, “Give us Kaczynski,” and they give us Kaczynski. Just like that.

This power, of course, can fade. The trick will be to convince whoever prevails that California was the pivotal battleground. The next campaign begins the day after the election, and it’s never too soon to fire the dreams of the contenders. Wild dreams--be they of gold, the silver screen, paradise--built California. Californians should never discourage dreamers. So come, candidates, come. Come to California. California can save you. California can make it all come true. Promise.