For Thanksgiving, Try Serving Up Some Real Turkeys

With Thanksgiving just six days away, a great way to get into the holiday spirit is to feast on these well-stuffed cinematic turkeys.

One of Errol Flynn’s major flops has to be 1947’s ill-conceived “Escape Me Never” (MGM/UA, $20). Flynn is trapped in this treacly bit of nonsense as a struggling composer living in turn-of-the-century Italy who falls for his brother’s rich fiancee (Eleanor Parker). Ida Lupino also stars as the waif he marries.

A more apt title for the 1964 comedy “Paris When It Sizzles” (Paramount, $30) would have been “Paris When It Fizzles.” This lame comedy marked the on-screen reunion of Audrey Hepburn and William Holden, who dazzled audiences a decade earlier in “Sabrina.” Try as they might, the two screen legends can’t spark this misfire about a screenwriter and his secretary who fall in love while working on his script in Paris. Marlene Dietrich, Tony Curtis, Fred Astaire and Frank Sinatra have cameos.

Michael Caine followed up his Oscar-winning turn in “Hannah and Her Sisters” with a silly supporting role in the cheesey 1987 “Jaws: The Revenge” (MCA/Universal, $20). In this final sequel to the 1975 classic, Mrs. Brody (Lorraine Gary) believes the Great White is out to make dinner out of her and her family. This wobbly adventure, directed by Joseph Sargent, sinks like a stone.

Elvis Presley’s last feature film, 1969’s “Change of Habit” (MCA/Universal, $15), is a must-see hoot. In this sappy musical drama, Presley plays an earnest ghetto doctor with major sideburns who falls for perky, peppy Mary Tyler Moore. The big problem is that she’s a novitiate who is about to take her final vows to become a full-fledged nun.

A young Tuesday Weld made a rather inauspicious screen debut in the clunky 1956 musical “Rock, Rock, Rock” (Music Video Distributors; Moore Video, $13). Produced on a shoestring budget, this “so bad it’s wonderful” opus finds Weld in a panic because her daddy has closed her charge account and she needs to scrape together money to buy a prom dress. That’s Connie Francis supplying Weld’s singing voice. Several sensational rockers, including Chuck Berry and Fats Domino, provide some badly needed musical relief.

If you love to wallow in juicy melodrama, you’ll definitely want to serve up the 1961 sudser “Return to Peyton Place” (Fox, $40). In this overheated sequel to the 1957 Oscar-nominated “Peyton Place,” Allison (Carol Lynley) writes a thinly disguised novel about the sex and sin running rampant in the small New England town. Jeff Chandler plays her virile, married book publisher and Mary Astor steals the show as the town’s evil matriarch. Jose Ferrer directed.

The whole cast of the 1978 Irwin Allen flick, “The Swarm” (Warner, $20), looks like they have been stung. This jaw-droppingly bad movie finds Michael Caine, in one of his worst performances, playing a scientist trying to stop a killer bee invasion. Katharine Ross, Richard Widmark, Lee Grant, Richard Chamberlain, Olivia de Havilland, Henry Fonda and Fred MacMurray also star in this disaster of a disaster flick.

Bob Hope has made a lot of wonderful comedies, but 1966’s “Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number” (MGM/UA, $20) failed to connect with critics and audiences. The usually dependable George Marshall directed this unfunny dud, which finds Hope phoning in his performance as a real estate agent who ends up trying to hide a sexy starlet (Elke Sommer) from her director boyfriend. Phyllis Diller also stars.

Documentaries: “Great American Speeches: 80 Years of Political Oratory” (Pieri & Spring, $40) is a fascinating two-volume collection of pivotal speeches, including F.D.R.’s first inaugural address in 1933; Huey Long’s 1935 “Share the Wealth” speech; Richard Nixon’s 1952 “Checkers” speech; and Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech from 1963. To order call (800) 444-1000.

Available Tuesday is “Churchill and the Cabinet War Rooms” (A&E;, $20), a must-have for World War II buffs. This compelling documentary, featuring rare archival footage and dramatic re-creations, goes inside Churchill’s Cabinet War Rooms--an underground headquarters so classified that few knew of its existence until several years after the war ended.

Killer B: Sean Patrick Flanery and Virginia Madsen star in “Just Your Luck” (Polygram), an unappetizing dark comedy set in a New York diner.

Classic TV: You’ve seen the blockbuster movie based on the vintage TV series and now you can revisit the classic 1966-73 CBS series “Mission: Impossible.” Paramount is releasing six tapes ($10 each) of the Emmy Award-winning series starring Peter Graves as Jim Phelps. Among the episodes featured are “The Pilot,” “The Council,” “The Bunker” and “The Mind of Stefan Miklos.”

Close Encounter: Bill Pullman, Will Smith, Randy Quaid and Jeff Goldblum battle evil aliens in “Independence Day” (Fox, $23), this past summer’s $300-million blockbuster sci-fi thriller.

Coming Next Week: Dennis Quaid and the voice of Sean Connery star in the fantasy adventure “Dragonheart” (MCA/Universal).

Josh Charles, Christine Lahti and John Goodman star in “Pie in the Sky” (New Line), a light, quirky comedy about a young man (Charles) who dreams of being a radio traffic reporter.

Michael Gambon and Sonia Braga star in Nicolas Roeg’s “Two Deaths” (Fox Lorber).

Gena Rowlands stars in “The Neon Bible” (Fox Lorber), Terence Davis’ drama about a young boy and his flamboyant aunt.

Emma Suarez stars in Julio Medem’s Spanish thriller “The Red Squirrel” (New Yorker).