Capsules and Rankings
Team: 1. Denver (12-2)
Comment: Exhibition loss to blubbering Cheeseheads no big deal.
Team: 2. Dallas (9-5)
Opponent: New England
Comment: Johnnie Cochran added to Cowboys' coaching staff.
Team: 3. Green Bay (11-3)
Opponent: at Detroit
Comment: Crime deterrent: Sentence perps to life in Green Bay.
Team: 4. New England (10-4)
Opponent: at Dallas
Comment: Patriots must venture into den of iniquity.
Team: 5. Carolina (10-4)
Comment: Updated "Miracle on 34th Street": Kris Kringle's a Panther.
Team: 6. San Francisco (10-4)
Opponent: at Pittsburgh
Comment: Whatever Bill Walsh is doing, it's not enough.
Team: 7. Pittsburgh (10-4)
Opponent: San Francisco
Comment: Bettis is limping. Well, that's all she wrote.
Team: 8. Buffalo (9-5)
Opponent: at Miami
Comment: Kelly and Co. eligible for Denny's senior citizen discount.
Team: 9. Kansas City (9-5)
Comment: Hard to believe Bono didn't make Pro Bowl.
Team: 10. Philadelphia (8-6)
Opponent: at Jets
Comment: Detmer rips Jets, thereby picking on someone his size.
Team: 11. Indianapolis (8-6)
Opponent: at Kansas City
Comment: One more injury and Colts qualify as national disaster.
Team: 12. Minnesota (8-6)
Opponent: Tampa Bay
Comment: Vikings play hard. Anything to avoid Holtz hiring.
Team: 13. Oakland (7-7)
Opponent: at Denver
Comment: Crazy Al may ask Clinton to coach his team.
Team: 14. Washington (8-6)
Opponent: at Arizona
Comment: Nixon tapes reveal he designed Redskins' defense.
Team: 15. Houston (7-7)
Comment: Seventh Wonder of the World: stadium with no fans.
Team: 16. Jacksonville (7-7)
Comment: A Panther-Jaguar Super Bowl still possible.
Team: 17. Chicago (6-8)
Opponent: San Diego
Comment: Imagine if Ditka had the chance to coach Rodman.
Team: 18. Arizona (6-8)
Comment: Boomer quits. Qualified now to play for Chargers.
Team: 19. Cincinnati (6-8)
Opponent: at Houston
Comment: Coslet wants to stay in power. So did Marge Schott.
Team: 20. Miami (6-8)
Comment: Johnson wants to dump Shula playbook. Has to blame somebody.
Team: 21. Seattle (6-8)
Opponent: at Jacksonville
Comment: Allen saves L.A., works deal for Seahawks.
Team: 22. Quitters (7-7)
Opponent: at Chicago
Comment: Chargers get Humphries back. Whoop-dee-doo.
Team: 23. Giants (6-8)
Opponent: New Orleans
Comment: Brown or Kanell? How did Reeves win six games?
Team: 24. Tampa Bay (5-9)
Opponent: at Minnesota
Comment: Mars Attacks! No nuttier than Dilfer playing well.
Team: 25. Detroit (5-9)
Opponent: Green Bay
Team: 26. St. Louis (4-10)
Opponent: at Atlanta
Comment: Georgia wants win for Christmas. She's so demanding.
Team: 27. Baltimore (4-10)
Opponent: at Carolina
Comment: Testaverde picked for Pro Bowl. Smelling salts, please.
Team: 28. Atlanta (3-11)
Opponent: St. Louis
Comment: Been naughty or nice? Santa won't be visiting Falcons.
Team: 29. New Orleans (2-12)
Opponent: at Giants
Team: 30. Jets (1-13)
Comment: "Ellen" comes out of closet, admits she's Jet fan.