Here’s One Way to Get Dodgers On the Move

Mike Piazza can talk Evander Holyfield’s ears off and still not arrive at the simplest solution for turning around the Dodgers.

Berlitz courses? A revised version of “The Dodger Way to Play Baseball.” A new manager? The old manager?

None of the above.

I thought of this while recalling a routine by the late comedian Sam Kinison. Advising starving Ethiopians, he told them to go where the food is.

“Go to Paris. There’s restaurants there. Go to London. There’s restaurants there. New York. Restaurants.

“GO WHERE THE FOOD IS!”

This is what I advise the Dodgers:

“GO WHERE THE HITS ARE!”

Move to Albuquerque.

It’s logical. Look closely at the Dodgers’ transaction Sunday, when they made the Karim Garcia-for-Todd Hollandsworth exchange with their triple-A team.

In 13 games with the Dukes, Hollandsworth hit .429 with a home run and 14 RBIs. In 15 games with the Dodgers, Garcia hit .128 with a home run and eight RBIs.

Earlier this season, though, Hollandsworth was hitting .232 with two homers and 18 RBIs for the Dodgers, and Garcia was hitting .298 with 18 homers for the Dukes.

These aren’t isolated cases. Billy Ashley hit .345 one season in Albuquerque. He’s hitting .217 for the Dodgers. Roger Cedeno was hitting .354 when called up from the Dukes this season. He has hit .210 since. Wayne Kirby is hitting .345 in Albuquerque. In Los Angeles, he hit .162.

Baseball people have explanations. Pitching is sub-par even for triple-A in the Pacific Coast League, and hitters can get in a groove because they’re playing every day in Albuquerque.

Then there’s the altitude in Albuquerque, which is not much lower than Denver’s.

It’s better to hit in thin air. We tend to discount the Colorado Rockies’ stats at Coors Field because of that. We should do the same with the players in Albuquerque, recognize that they’re putting up funny numbers and expect less when they get here.

Or the Dodgers should move to Albuquerque.

It would save them the expense of sending players back and forth.

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Bite! . . .

More than one golfer was heard to yell that while trying to manage Olympia Fields’ fast greens during the U.S. Senior Open. . . .

The suburban Chicago course came away with no worse than a draw when Graham Marsh won at even par. Riviera officials would be satisfied with the same result when the tournament moves there, July 20-26, next summer. . . .

French boxer Roger Brousse was disqualified from the 1924 Olympics in Paris for biting Great Britain’s Henry Mallin on the chest during a middleweight bout. . . .

Brousse’s handlers claimed he had a habit of snapping his jaw whenever he landed a punch and that Mallin inadvertently bumped his chest against the Frenchman’s open mouth. . . .

Not even Don King could have thought of that one. . . .

More people should go see the Angels, a combative team that doesn’t take a loss lightly even if it’s by one run to Seattle when Randy Johnson is pitching. . . .

More people will see the Angels this week. They expect their first, second and third sellouts of the season, Wednesday and Thursday against the Dodgers and Friday against the Mariners. . . .

The Mighty Ducks report their waiting list for season tickets has 600-700 names, which means they have the money to pursue this summer’s prize free agent, Edmonton defenseman Luke Richardson. . . .

The Kings are seeking veteran leadership, which points to free agents such as Kris King of Phoenix, Mike Keane of Colorado, Brian Skrudland of Florida, Gary Galley of Buffalo and Shawn Chambers of New Jersey. . . .

UCLA basketball fans should be excited by the results of that Orange County-L.A. County all-star game Sunday night in Huntington Beach. . . .

Baron Davis was the most valuable player with 19 points, nine assists, six rebounds and six steals. He also won the slam-dunk contest. Schea Cotton scored 25. . . .

About my comment last week that college recruiters would be in abundance at basketball tournaments involving highly touted undergraduates over the weekend, I learned subsequently that the NCAA doesn’t allow coaches to attend summer games until July 8. . . .

“That’s not to say some weren’t out there disguised in false noses and sunglasses,” UC Santa Barbara Coach Jerry Pimm said.

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While wondering whatever happened to my copy of the NCAA rules, I was thinking: They were written on the back of a Monty’s menu, the Dodgers need a player like Tony Phillips, nothing happened Saturday night that would have offended Freddie Blassie.