Movement for Valley Secession

* I had this dream. It started when some people began to feel that the Valley was being neglected. A movement to secede followed. The Valley became its own city and took the name of Valliana. Shortly thereafter, some of the people who lived in the western part of the new city, believing that there would be a drain on their opulence, seceded and the city of West Valliana was born.

That was only the beginning. Soon, some of the citizens of West Valliana started to feel like second-class citizens. Thus, Encino, Chatsworth and Tarzana seceded from Valliana and took the name of Gelsonia. Worried that they were being hung out to dry, Granada Hills and Chatsworth had a flag designed and, waving it proudly, seceded from what was left of Valliana. Tranquillity reigned for awhile, but six months later, Northridge seceded. Northridgers set up a city hall in the back of a Pollo Loco and prepared to assume the duties of cityhood.

Sadly, the secession bug bit again. The people of the 9700 block of Sunburst Street decided to secede from Northridge. They named their city Sunburstia. Unfortunately, the family that lived at 9709 Sunburst, the Parkers, had a spat with the Lightners at 9714. Bitterly, the Parkers seceded from Sunburstia. That probably would have been the end of it, but one Sunday morning, Mr. and Mrs. Parker had an awful row. Using her right as a citizen, Mrs. Parker took half of her home and seceded from the other half. She declared the kitchen, den and master bedroom free and independent.

When last seen, Mr. Parker was trying to secede from Mrs. Parker’s attorney.

MILT ROSEN

Northridge